


comme des diamants au ciel

by LtTanyaBoone



Category: Cardinal (TV 2017)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Bisexual Female Character, F/F, Mental Health Issues, Self-Harm, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 15:58:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 36,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15052739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LtTanyaBoone/pseuds/LtTanyaBoone
Summary: "Danielle sleeps on her side, her knees drawn up so much she's almost curled into a ball. She reminds Lise of a cat, the way they will curl up when they lay down for a nap.She's very cute. Lise can feel her lips tug into a soft smile as she keeps watching Danielle. Reaches out slowly and carefully brushes a curl of hair from her face. Danielle's nose crinkles as the ends tickle it. Her breath leaves her in a soft sigh as she relaxes again and Lise slowly lets out the breath she's been holding."





	comme des diamants au ciel

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be a fairly long AN, so I will list the trigger warnings/content warnings first:
> 
> big **trigger warnings** for mental health issues (specifically depression), self-harm, dysphoria. _If you are currently struggling, especially with self-harm, I sincerely recommend you skip this!_  
>  **content warnings** for sex, talk about genitals (including medical terms and preferred words for someone's parts), menstruation (referenced, not described), birth control, references to homo-, trans- and biphobia, discussion of religious views, and needle(s) (trans character administering hrt injection).
> 
> Danielle Sargeant is a transgender female character. If you want a 'faceclaim' for her, I kind of pictured a blonde Jamie Clayton with curls. Danielle is French-Canadian, which means that 1) her name is pronounced 'DAH-NYEL' and 2) she speaks English with a French accent (I imagined Evelyne Brochu speaking English as her voice).
> 
> The title for this is the French translation of a line from ['Home We'll Go' by Steve Aoki & Walk Off The Earth](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAwSQq44O_U): (Let your soul shine bright) like diamonds in the sky.
> 
> (I am not sure if the sex scenes require the 'E' rating or if 'M' would have sufficed. The sex scenes in combination with the mental health talks made me bump it to 'E')
> 
> ('full disclosure' of my personal identities in the AN at the end)

"Excusez-moi."

Lise looks up, startled by the soft voice. Shakes her head and quickly stands, to allow the blonde woman to step into the pew and pass her. She hesitates briefly, before sitting down next to Lise, who slowly lowers herself back onto the wooden bench, herself.

The other woman shifts and gives her a nervous smile, one Lise returns mutely, before she checks her watch. Two more minutes to go, until Mass starts.

She knows her parents are a bit, peeved, that she basically dumped them for an aisle seat in the back row. Lise had told them they were welcome to sit with her, but apparently, that hadn't been what they'd wanted.

She'd like to sit further down, herself. But that's just not something that's going to happen, with her job and them being stretched so thin, right now. She really doesn't want to get a call in the middle of service, and have to sneak out from a seat somewhere in the middle of the pews.

There's a shuffle, and Lise gives a slight shake of her head to clear her thoughts as the congregation begins to rise and she tries to snap out of her thoughts.

She actually missed this, she thinks. Missed attending Mass. To be honest, she's not entirely sure why. It's not like her faith is really the strongest, these days. Is uncertain, if she really believes in all of this. Okay, that's a lie. She finds some of the stuff just, too out there. And transferring to CID, that's not helped matters any. The things she's seen since then, on the job, they are, troubling, to say the least. And Lise keeps finding herself struggling at times, to reconcile the things she sees every day with her Faith. Struggles to think that there is a God who allows for such horrible things to happen to people over and over and over again.

But Church, the familiarity of it, the rituals surrounding it, it's still a comfort, to her. Maybe because it's something she's known all her life, since she was a baby. St. Vincent is the same church her parents got married at, the same one they attended when they were young. The same one they took her to, when she'd just been a little girl. It's the place where she received the Holy Communion. She feels, safe, here. Always has. Which might be strange, given the scandals that have shaken the Catholic Church, but it's always been a place of comfort to her. Coming here, attending service, it feels like, coming home, in a way.

The opening statement of the priest makes her close her eyes for a moment. Lise draws a breath and then joins the rest of the congregation in the recital of the Lord's prayer.

"Pardonne-nous nos offenses, comme nous pardonnons aussi à ceux qui nous ont offensés," she recites, feeling some of the tension that has been pent up inside of her gradually leave her body as Lise begins to relax while the prayer carries on.

"Amen," she breathes and closes her eyes again as she crosses herself, before slowly sitting down again.

She manages to attend all of nine minutes, of the actual service. Then she feels her cell phone vibrate in her pocket and takes it out, muting the call. Cardinal's name and number flash across her screen, causing Lise's brows to dip.

She gives a shake of her head and stands. Tries to slip from the pew as silently as possible, in order not to disrupt proceedings any further. Hurries along the aisle as quickly and quietly as she can. Slips out of the Church and winces when the door clangs shut behind her. Her cell phone has stopped flashing and she stands there, on the steps of St. Vincent, her shoulders dropping a little. Turns her face into the morning sun and takes a deep breath.

Lise jumps when her cell phone begins to vibrate again and she quickly answers it.

"Delorme," she greets Cardinal, already on her way down the steps and into the direction of her car. As her partner gives her the address of their latest crime scene, she wonders if maybe wearing a suit, instead of a dress, would have been a better idea.

* * *

Algonquin Bay as a couple of gay hangout places. There's a club that Lise used to go to, when she was younger. Another, one that's more wild, that's honestly regarded as the place to go to if you're just looking for a quick hook-up. There's a bookstore, for the younger generation, and an almost exclusively lesbian bar. Sometimes, a couple of guys make their way there, but most of the time, it's filled with women and female-presenting individuals.

She likes the place, actually. Which may be weird, because it first crossed her radar after she'd become a cop and got called to a, dispute, between two patrons.

Right now, it's number one on her list of places where she goes to have a drink. It's nice, to be in a place where she won't have to fend off men who do not understand the meaning of the word 'no'. Women seem to be a lot better, at picking up subtle cues. Or listening to outright refusal. Because Lise has been here for the past two hours, and no one has tried to approach her so far. Which is good, because she really, really isn't interested, in anything, at all. Aside from her drink.

"Refill?" the bartender asks as Lise sets down the empty glass. She tilts her head and checks her watch, before giving a nod and ordering a new vodka tonic. The drink is placed in front of her, and Lise takes a sip, her brows furrowing as her mind goes back to her current case of B&Es.

"Whiskey, neat."

The sound of the voice makes her look up. The slight accent, coupled with the cadence. Lise watches as the blonde woman rests her arms on the bar, waiting for her drink.

She seems to feel her eyes on her, because she brushes back her curls and turns, to meet Lise's gaze.

"Hi," she hears herself say and wants to hit herself over the head for that the next second. Barely manages to bite back an apology.

"Hello," the blonde replies, her lips tugging into a smile, one that brightens when the bartender sets her drink in front of her. She thanks him and picks up her glass. Takes a sip and closes her eyes for a second, and Lise watches as her throat works. She gives a sharp shake of her head and returns her attention to her vodka tonic.

"I'm sorry," the blonde says and Lise looks up in confusion and surprise at being addressed by her. "You're... I, saw you," she says, her brows dipping a little. "At Church. St. Vincent? You attended Mass, on Sunday," she explains and Lise feels her eyes widen slightly as recognition finally dawns on her.

"Yes," she confirms. She almost didn't recognize her, but this is the same blonde woman who sat down next to her, shortly before Mass began.

"I'm, sorry," she apologizes. "I had to leave, pretty early," she shrugs and the blonde nods, her eyes sparkling with amusement.

"So I noticed," she replies, an amused lilt to her voice. She looks at her drink, then at the empty barstool next to Lise. "Do you mind if I..."

"No," Lise quickly shakes her head, motioning towards the empty seat. "No, please, go ahead," she adds and feels herself flush a little in embarrassment. Where on earth did that sudden eagerness come from?

The blonde smiles at her and slides onto the barstool. Crosses her legs and takes a sip of her drink, before she tilts her head at Lise, taking her in.

"What?" she asks, suddenly feeling rather self-conscious, at being scrutinized like this.

"Nothing," the blonde shakes her head. "I'm just trying to guess, why you left so early," she tells her.

"Ah," Lise mutters. Lifts her own glass to take a sip of her drink before she turns to the blonde again. "And?" she asks, arching an eyebrow at her.

"Well, you don't strike me as a doctor," she declares, her nose wrinkling slightly. At her words, Lise lets out a soft laugh.

"Really?" she asks, her interest sparked. "Why not?"

"Well," the blonde starts and straightens a little on her perch, "your clothes. Your dress was pretty nice, and so is this suit. Doctors, I have found, come in two versions. Rich and disinterested, or poor and caring. A caring doctor would answer their phone on Sunday during Mass, but they wouldn't be able to afford your outfit."

"Maybe I saved up," Lise suggests.

"Possible," the blonde nods with a slight tilt of her head. "But moonlighting as a doctor doesn't seem possible, for a cop."

Lise feels her eyes widen in surprise and her jaw drops, causing the blonde to let out a laugh.

"I'm sorry," she apologizes, and touches Lise's arm gently. "That was mean," she shakes her head.

"How did you..." Lise frowns and the other woman motions towards her belt.

"Scuff marks," she explains. "Where you clip your badge, and holster."

Lise looks down and touches her fingers to the leather, feeling the roughened surface. She's good. Too good, perhaps, she suddenly thinks and takes another look at the woman. Who raises an eyebrow before giving a slight shake of her head.

"I'm not an escaped criminal," she tells her. "My uncle was a cop, and so is my cousin. They told me a few things," she shrugs.

"Ah," Lise inclines her head. Takes another sip of her drink, in order to buy herself some time. Because she has no idea what she's supposed to say, now.

"You're not wearing your jacket now, but my guess is that it's custom tailored to accommodate your holster," the blonde continues, her brows creasing a little as she leans back. Looks down and nods towards Lise's shoes. "And even though you're drinking and off-duty, you're still wearing sensible shoes," she adds.

"Oh, that's not because I'm a cop," Lise shakes her head. "I just hate heels."

"Really?" the blonde asks, perking up. Lise manages an entire two seconds, of keeping a straight face, before she bursts into a giggle.

"No," she admits with a shake of her head. "I actually love them, but they make for very bad running attire."

The blonde lets out a laugh at that, and Lise feels herself flush again, at the butterflies that take off in her stomach at the sound. She's beautiful anyway, but the way that her laugh makes her eyes sparkle is just mesmerizing.

"Danielle," the other woman says, once she's calmed down. She holds out a hand with a soft smile and Lise takes it almost automatically.

"Lise," she replies and feels Danielle shake her hand before she drops it again. "So, do I have to guess your profession, now?" she asks teasingly. Watches, as Danielle's eyes widen slightly for a moment.

"If you want to," she allows. "Though maybe I should narrow it down a bit? Even the playing field a little?" she offers. Something about that pokes at the competitive streak inside Lise, who gives a shake of her head.

"No," she declares. "I am a detective," she reminds her and touches her own chest.

"Alright, detective," Danielle nods, her eyes sparkling. "What you got?"

It actually takes her over two hours, to figure it out. Though in Lise's defense, she did come pretty close, but mentally thrown out 'teacher' when Danielle had said she worked with adults. She'd forgotten about Literacy Nipissing, which is pretty bad, on her part. But she hadn't known they actually had full-time employees, aside from their volunteers.

* * *

Lise opens her mouth and almost asks Danielle to stop it already. Her nervous fidgeting is starting to really drive her crazy, after the day she's had. But then she sees the look of apprehension in the other woman's eyes, and how visibly uncomfortable she is, and Lise is reminded, yet again, that each and every single one of them is at different places, on their personal coming out journey.

"We don't have to do this," she tells her and sets down the menu. Watches, as Danielle shifts again, and gives a slight shake of her head.

"It's not, this," she murmurs and makes a gesture that encompasses them and the restaurant. Danielle had originally suggested going to the bookstore, and Lise had fully intended to do that. But when they'd met half an hour ago, she'd accidentally made a remark about needing to grab a bite on their way to the bookstore, because she's starving after having skipped lunch, and Danielle had insisted on finding a place to actually sit down and eat.

"Are you sure?" Lise asks and tilts her head. "Because you are looking really..." she trails off, trying to find a way to word it, without coming off as rude.

"I, need to tell you something," Danielle sighs and rubs a hand over her forehead. "And right here, right now, really isn't the place for it."

"What's going on?" Lise asks and crosses her arms before she leans forward to rest them against the table. Watches, as Danielle looks out the window, her jaw working.

"Is this a date?" she asks, her voice soft, and Lise blinks at her in surprise. Opens her mouth, but then forces herself to take a second, to contemplate the question.

"Maybe?" she finally settles and shakes her head at herself. "I thought it was," she admits. "But now I'm not so sure anymore," she adds with a frown at the strange mixture of fear and happiness on the other woman's face.

"I, have a rule," Danielle tells her. "Third date is the latest that I say something."

"Say something?" Lise repeats, confused.

Danielle shifts and crosses her legs and arms. Leans back in her chair, her teeth working at her bottom lip.

"You know, the bookstore would have been so much easier, for this," she mutters and lets out a heavy sigh. A waitress appears at their table and Lise looks at her briefly, before facing Danielle again.

"Are we staying?" she asks her, giving her the choice. "If you think you'd rather go to the bookstore-"

"No, it's fine," Danielle shakes her head. "Uh, a large coke, and number, 23?" she turns to the waitress, who nods and scribbles down the order.

"A glass of red wine, a small water, and the, 38, with rice," Lise gives her choice. "Wait," she suddenly frowns. "Are you, allergic? To peanuts?" she asks Danielle.

Danielle blinks before she shakes her head no.

"Okay, then it's fine," Lise breathes a sigh of relief, and the waitress gives them a smile as she collects their menus before leaving them alone again.

Lise shifts and leans back in her chair, watching Danielle. Who's touching the decorative flowers gently, surprise flickering over her features when she finds they're real.

"Are we going to talk about what has you so..." Lise inquires gently. The blonde swallows and lets out a sigh. When she looks at Lise again, she tries to give her a smile, though it looks rather sad.

"Okay, so, I, like you," she breathes. "Not in the very dramatic and intense 'you're all I can think about' way," Danielle hastens to assure her. "But enough to know that I enjoy the time we spend together very much, and I want to see you again. I want to go on more dates, with you."

"I'd like that very much," Lise smiles at her, nodding at the waitress as she places their drinks down. "Thank you," she mutters before the woman disappears again.

"Hold onto that thought," Danielle mutters into her coke before she sets it down again. "Okay, so, there really is no way to, soften this, so I'll just say it," she tells her with a big sigh. "And, uh, just know that I didn't lie to you, or intended to deceive you, or anything."

"Are you married?" Lise asks, her eyes widening as her heartbeat accelerates at the thought. Danielle's not wearing a ring, but it suddenly dawns on Lise that she hasn't mentioned any previous relationships during their conversations. Lise told her, about having been married, during their last date. She hadn't seemed to react badly to it, and Lise would have expected someone who was cheating to react visibly to such news, but right now, she isn't entirely sure.

"What?" Danielle asks, frowning before she shakes her head. "No," she tells her. "No, I'm not married. Or engaged, or in a relationship, or seeing anyone else besides you."

"Oh," Lise nods, a weight lifting off her chest. "I'm sorry," she apologizes. "It just, it was the only thing I could think of, that would make you so nervous, and fit with your 'third date rule', or whatever you are calling it."

"It's not that," Danielle shakes her head again.

"I'm glad," Lise replies, her lips tugging into the hint of a relieved smile. She is, she is very glad, that there isn't anyone else in the picture. Despite having known her for only a month, and this being the third time they are actually seeing each other since that night at the bar, Lise has to admit that she really likes Danielle. If someone had asked her, two hours ago, if she'd like to continue dating her, to see where it would lead, she would have said yes. She'd like to know, where Danielle and her, where it could go. If a relationship between them could work out. But the past hour or so, she's been growing increasingly doubtful of that.

"Right," Danielle gives a curt nod. Frowns, down at the tablecloth and smoothes it out before she looks at Lise again. "I'm trans."

"You're-" Lise starts to repeat, before her brain catches up, the meaning dawning on her, and she feels her eyes widen in surprise. "Oh," she breathes and sees Danielle clench her jaw.

"Yeah," she nods, her voice clipped. Lise swallows and takes a slow breath.

"I'm, sorry," she apologizes. "I just, I didn't see that coming," she frowns. Watches as Danielle's eyebrows rise in silent surprise.

"Really?" she asks and Lise narrows her eyes slightly, before she shakes her head no.

"Really," she confirms.

"Oh," the blonde murmurs and reaches up to pinch the bridge of her nose. "Well, now you know," she shrugs. Hesitates, for a moment, before she continues. "Pre-op, trans," she whispers, casting her eyes down, and Lise actually hates herself, when she feels herself blush.

"I am sorry," she apologizes. Watches, as Danielle tenses, and quickly reaches out to touch her arm across the table. Danielle's head snaps up and she pulls her arm back, leaving Lise's hand lying on the table, before she retracts it.

"It's fine," she breathes, and Lise shakes her head vehemently.

"No, I didn't mean," she stammers and rubs a hand over her face. "It doesn't change anything," she tells her. Danielle lets out a harsh laugh at that, and shakes her head.

"Obviously not," she remarks, sarcasm dripping from her voice.

"Danielle," Lise sighs and leans back a little as the waitress brings their food. Her appetite has gone now, guilt sitting heavy in her stomach. "The reason I apologized," she tries again, once they are alone. "It's because I was blushing. It's not because what you told me makes me uncomfortable, it doesn't. I just, react like that, whenever stuff like this is brought up. It happens when I'm alone with someone and we're talking about sex, as well."

Danielle swallows. Frowns down at her food before she pushes her plate away a little. Lise watches as she braces her elbows on the table, and hides her face in her hands for a moment.

"Hey," Lise murmurs and reaches out to touch Danielle's arms. "Do you want to leave?" she inquires, keeping her voice low and gentle.

Danielle takes a shuddering breath before she shakes her head no. Slowly lowers her arms and blinks, her eyes brimming with tears.

"Oh Danielle," Lise breathes. "Please believe me, when I tell you that it doesn't change anything, about the way I feel about you," she pleads. Danielle closes her eyes, clenches the shut tightly as she inclines her head. "Look," Lise shakes her head, and waits until Danielle raises her head a little. "I like you. As a person. I've enjoyed our dates so much, and I love texting with you," she smiles at her. "And that, enjoyment, that doesn't hinge on what is in your pants," she frowns. "I mean, you just told me, but... this was true, the whole time. Nothing has changed, about you."

"You wouldn't be the first woman who changed her mind, after finding out," Danielle breathes. "So, please, don't do this to spare my feelings. You're not doing either one of us a favor."

"I'm not," Lise shakes her head. "I don't want to say that it doesn't matter, because in a sense, it does. If we keep going out with each other - something I very much would like to do - there might come a moment when we both want to be intimate, with each other, and then yes, it will be different. But different doesn't mean bad, or worse than something else," she says, her brows furrowing as she tries to explain what's currently racing through her head.

Danielle watches her, her eyes searching Lise's face intently, taking her in.

"It really doesn't, bother, you?"

"No," Lise gives a shake of her head. "I mean, it's... unexpected, in a way. But I'm, glad, that you trusted me so much. That you told me about this. You didn't have to do that, and I am very grateful, and touched, that you did it."

Danielle shifts and casts her eyes down.

"I really like you," she husks. "I thought, if I told you now, and you reacted badly... It would have hurt, but at least it would have been now, you know?" she frowns. "Before I really get, attached."

"I really like you, too," Lise smiles at her. Hesitates, before giving a slight shake of her head. "Let's, pay for this, and get out of here. Go to the bookstore, and you can show me everything you wanted to when we're there."

"You don't have to cheer me up," Danielle shakes her head.

"I know," Lise nods. "I'm actually being very selfish, right now," she admits. "Because you look so, sad, and lost, and I figured if we went and did something you like, I might get to see you smile again."

She watches as Danielle sighs and gives a small shake of her head, though Lise can see that the corners of her mouth twitch briefly, tugging upwards for a moment.

It gives her just the slightest hope, that this thing, between them, it isn't over yet.

* * *

Everything feels so strange, so upside-down. Lise gets the feeling she's thoroughly out of her element, here, and it's making her strangely nervous.

She likes Danielle. She likes her a lot, actually. Enjoys their dates, and spending time with her. Her heart beats just a little faster, every time she sees that she has a new message from her. They actually been talking on the phone, as well. Lise has probably spend six hours the past two days alone, on the phone with Danielle. Just talking, about their days, and other stuff.

The past, month and a half, they've been, amazing. She's never really had an early relationship like this. One that began by sitting next to each other in Church to meeting again in a bar and then turned into them going on dinner dates, and browsing through bookstores, and eating their way through the cakes offered by one of the cafés here.

She really, really likes Danielle. And that's scaring her, in a strange way. In the past, all the early stuff, that had been, exciting, yes, but not like this. She's never been so nervous and content at the same time. Not even with Josh.

If she's honest, she thinks she's actually falling in love with Danielle. It's, great, and terrifying, at the same time. Not because she thinks Danielle feels differently. There were a few days of, awkwardness, following Danielle's coming out, where the blonde had seemed to withdraw. But now they're so close again that it makes Lise's heart swell. Danielle, she keeps taking Lise's hand and smiling at her and using every possible excuse to touch her and be close. She texts her, at every possible hour, when they're apart, and Lise keeps catching herself as she grins like a madwoman at her phone. Not because of what Danielle wrote, but because she thought of her.

And they haven't even had sex yet. Which is so against everything Lise used to do and believe in. All her previous relationships, they all got very physical early on. Not because she'd felt pressured to 'put out', but because it had been what she'd wanted, what she'd been after. She'd been sexually attracted to her partners, so sex with them had only seemed logically. And either it worked out and they were compatible, or it didn't, and when that was the case, well, at least she wasn't getting her heart broken over it. Feelings, aside from infatuation, they always came, after. Developed slowly, over time, after she'd already been intimate with her partners.

But with Danielle, it's, different. They have kissed. And Lise has found that the blonde woman is a terrific kisser, actually. Lise doesn't think she's ever really been kissed like this, before. Not as thoroughly, not as intensely. It's almost like Danielle is making love to her already, just by kissing her, and Lise ends up feeling like she's being consumed by her.

So there've been lots of kisses, and some very heavy making-out. But they've always stopped before doing anything besides slipping their hands under each other's shirts. Lise doesn't want to push her, doesn't want to do anything Danielle isn't comfortable with, or ready for. In the past, this, it probably wouldn't have been enough for long, but now Lise finds that it is. It is enough; more than that, it's plenty. Just being with Danielle, just being able to hold her hand and brushing her lips over her cheek and kissing her jaw, it's so wonderful and leaves Lise like she's floating on air, when they come apart.

She wants this. She wants this wonderful thing between them to last, wants it to grow, even. She wants to be with Danielle, for as long as she'll have her. And it terrifies her, the intensity of her feelings, and she really, really hopes she doesn't end up screwing it all up terribly.

* * *

Danielle sighs into her mouth and Lise feels herself tensing in surprise when she lifts the hem of her shirt.

"Sorry," the blonde apologizes and drops it again. Leans back and scoots away a little, putting some space between them.

"It's fine," Lise shakes her head. Reaches out to touch Danielle's cheek and draws a slow breath. "You just, surprised me," she admits. "I wasn't expecting that."

Then again, she also hadn't expected a make-out session, when she'd leaned in to brush her lips over Danielle's in a kiss goodbye. But somehow, they have ended up inside her apartment, on Danielle's couch, kissing each other hungrily.

"I, should have asked," Danielle shakes her head. Pulls her bottom lip between her teeth and worries at it. Lise swallows and reaches down to grab the hem of her shirt and then pulls it over her head. Danielle looks at her in surprise, her pupils dilating as her eyes dart to Lise's chest.

"You're..." she breathes, slowly reaching out to trace Lise's clavicle. "You're gorgeous," Danielle whispers and leans in again. Lise's breath catches in her throat when she feels her lips on her jaw, followed by Danielle's tongue. She melts against her and reaches up to bury her hands in Danielle's thick curls and pulls her back a little, in order to be able to catch her lips in another heady kiss.

"Please," she murmurs against Danielle's lips. "I want to see you, too."

Danielle nods mutely against her and Lise reaches between them and undoes the buttons on her blouse, pulling it off quickly. She has to break the kiss, to actually be able to see her, and Danielle lets out a soft sound of protest at the loss of contact.

She's stunning. Lise actually feels every coherent thought in her head pack their bags and leave for the night. She swallows, hard, and leans in to place a kiss at the base of Danielle's throat, and then slowly begins to kiss her way down, unable to decide on a side just yet.

She feels Danielle's heart hammer in her chest, beneath her lips, and how her breath hitches when Lise traces her tongue over her soft skin.

"Lise," Danielle breathes and leans back. Cradles her face and pulls her into a soft kiss. "I want you," she murmurs, searching her eyes. Lise feels her heart skip a beat, her breath leaving her in a rush. She reaches up to stroke Danielle's cheek gently.

"Are you sure?" she asks her, searching her face. "We don't have to do this," she adds.

"I want to," Danielle tells her. Swallows, thickly, before she lets out a soft chuckle. "I'm so, scared, but I want to make love to you so badly. Have wanted to, for days," she murmurs. She leans in and touches her forehead to Lise's and draws a deep breath.

"I want to make love to you, too," Lise replies, her voice catching at the magnitude of the words. Maybe it doesn't mean anything different to Danielle; maybe for her, 'sex' and 'make love' are interchangeable. They aren't, for Lise. They're two very distinctive things. She can have sex with pretty much anyone she finds herself sexually attracted to. Making love, that's something that's reserved for people she has intense feelings for. Like she used to, for Josh. Like she does now, for Danielle.

She shifts and reaches out, brushing a bra strap off Danielle's shoulder with trembling fingers. She's so, nervous. It's a huge step, between them, and she wants this to be as close to perfect as it's going to get.

She leans in and slowly runs her hands down Danielle's sides before going to her back and unhooking her bra. Feels the blonde's breath catch, briefly, before she leans in to capture Lise's lips again.

"Are you stalling?" Lise murmurs after a few moments, in which Danielle keeps kissing her, keeps holding her head close.

"Maybe," she admits with a sigh and rests her forehead against Lise's. "Okay," she declares and leans back.

"I can close it again," Lise tells her, holding the ends of Danielle's bra against her back, to keep it in place.

"No," the blonde breathes. "I just, needed a moment," she shakes her head slightly, a blush coloring her cheeks. She reaches back and touches Lise's hands, gently pulling them away. The motion, combined with the lack of support now makes her bra slide down her upper arms, exposing her breasts.

She's dimly aware of staring, open mouthed, for a moment, before Lise manages to reign herself in and closes her mouth. Swallows hard, before helping Danielle take her bra off.

"Can I..." she asks, raising her hand a little. Danielle nods mutely, taking her right hand and guiding it to her chest. Lise watches in fascination as her eyelids flutter briefly before Danielle closes her eyes, a sigh leaving her at Lise's gentle touch.

"You're beautiful," she murmurs and leans in to trail open-mouthed kisses all over Danielle's chest. She's absolutely stunning, and Lise cannot get enough of kissing her, can't pull away.

Danielle lets out soft sounds as she continues to explore every inch of her chest. Most are gentle sighs, though Lise manages to draw a moan from her when she circles her nipple with her tongue. Feels Danielle grab her hair and keep her mouth in place for a moment before she gives a gentle tug to pull her away, so she can kiss her.

It does occur to her that doing this in bed would be easier. But Danielle seems so comfortable on the couch that Lise doesn't want to suggest moving. That, and the blonde had decided that turnabout is fair play and is lavishing a lot of attention to Lise's breasts, currently.

She doesn't think she's ever been as aroused as she is, right now, just from Danielle kissing and sucking on her skin.

Lise arches into her touch, her eyes closing as she bites her bottom lip to hold back a moan of pleasure, and then Danielle's lips leave her chest and begin to trail kisses down her stomach as her hands make quick work of the button and zipper of Lise's pants.

"Bedroom?" she asks, Danielle's voice barely audible, between the harsh breaths that are leaving Lise.

"Uh-huh," she nods and scrambles to stand and pull Danielle with her. Pulls her into a heated kiss, her body pressing against the blonde's. Feels Danielle press back, before she freezes, suddenly going tense.

"Hey," Lise whispers, pulling back to look at her, surprised and concerned by the sudden change. "Something wrong?"

"Uh," Danielle breathes and looks down between them, her cheeks flushed. "Not exactly," she allows. Takes a shuddering breath before raising her eyes to Lise's. "I'm, getting an erection," she mutters, her voice barely audible. Looks away, her chest moving rapidly as she takes quick breaths.

Lise swallows and forces herself to lift her hands away from Danielle's sides, to instead stroke her shoulders and upper arms softly.

"It's fine," she tells her, her lips quirking into a soft smile. "I kind of thought that that's what's supposed to happen." Danielle's lips twitch briefly in amusement, but then the slightly embarrassed expression is back on her face.

"That's usually the point when people, back out," she whispers.

Her heart constricts at the sound of her voice. Lise shifts and strokes her thumbs over the skin of Danielle's sides, where her hands have been resting.

"I'm not," she replies softly. Leans in to brush her lips over the blonde's again, gently at first, before she deepens the kiss. Removes her hands from Danielle's sides in order to be able to take her hands and gently pull her in the direction of her bedroom.

Danielle follows her willingly. Gently pushes Lise onto her bed and moves to straddle her. Pulls her into a deep kiss that makes Lise see stars, makes her wrap her arms around Danielle and hold her close as she arches into her.

She loses her pants, but when she reaches for the buckle of Danielle's belt, the blonde tenses again. Lise leans back and watches her face intently. Reaches up to stroke her cheek and search her eyes.

"You're not ready for this, are you?" she asks her, keeping her voice low and gentle. Danielle swallows thickly and sits up again. Grabs a pillow and hugs it to her chest, in an attempt to cover her herself. It takes her a few moments of looking away, before she slowly shakes her head no.

"I'm sorry," she breathes and closes her eyes. "I thought I was. I honestly thought... I want to make love to you, I do. I just..." she trails off with a shuddering breath. Lise swallows and leans over to brush her lips over her cheek.

"I'm not leaving," she tells her. "I'm just going to grab my shirt, then I'll be right back," she assures Danielle. Leaves the bedroom and goes to retrieve her shirt from the living room. Puts it on, and wonders, briefly, if perhaps they should move this conversation from Danielle's bedroom. If maybe having it there will give her the wrong impression.

"Hey," Danielle whispers when Lise returns, holding out the blonde's blouse. She's put on an oversized shirt, in the meantime, and gives a slight shrug, indicating the hamper in the corner.

"Look," she starts when Lise turns back around. "I'm really sorry, about, this," she apologizes. Furrows her brows and draws a slow breath.

"Don't be," Lise shakes her head. Takes her pants and puts them back on, before she sits down next to Danielle on the edge of her bed. "I don't want you to do something you're not ready for," she tells her.

Danielle swallows and inclines her head.

"I want to be ready so badly," she sighs. Reaches up to pinch the bridge of her nose. "I trust you. But there's, stuff, that has happened, before, and it comes back up sometimes..."

"Stuff," Lise repeats. Swallows, hard. "What kind of, stuff?" she asks, her voice trembling. Danielle looks away and Lise sees her fingers bury into the comforter as she grips it hard.

"You don't have to tell me," she murmurs, realizing what she's asked her to do. "But... it would have been, good, to know this," she adds, with a frown. "I never would have pushed you-"

"You didn't," Danielle shakes her head quickly. "You didn't push me or asked me to do anything I didn't want to," she tells her. "And I didn't want to tell you, because I was afraid it would change, how you look at me. I mean, the whole, trans woman thing, that's already a lot. Adding even more shit on top of it-"

"You're not adding any shit to anything," Lise replies, getting agitated, "when you're honest with me. I want to know this, Danielle. I don't want to do something that hurts you, even by accident. If there's stuff in your past I should know about, like this, then please tell me," she frowns. Watches her, for a moment. "I don't want to ask, in case I end up, triggering you-"

"It wasn't rape," Danielle shakes her head. "Honestly, my last relationship, it wasn't a good one. It left some, scars, I guess," she adds with a sigh.

"Scars like what?" Lise murmurs and reaches out to brush her curls behind Danielle's ear. Watches as she swallows, hard.

"Using words for my, genitals, that I am not comfortable with," she replies, her voice barely audible. "Touching me in ways I don't like, because they make me feel dysphoric..." she adds before biting down on her bottom lip.

"I am, so sorry," Lise whispers. Hesitates briefly, before she wraps an arm around Danielle's shoulder. Feels her shudder before she leans against her, Danielle relaxing slowly.

Lise lets out a soft sigh and presses a soft kiss to the side of Danielle's forehead before she closes her eyes and rests her head on her shoulder.

* * *

"I'm sorry," Danielle murmurs and leans in to kiss Lise's cheek. It makes her eyes widen slightly in surprise as she leans back. Danielle gives a minute shake of her head, her eyes wide with panic, for a moment.

"This is, Thomas," she says, indicating the young man that's standing behind her. Who walked into the restaurant with her. "He's one of my students," she adds and Lise feels a soft 'Oh' leave her, as the reason for the weird greeting dawns on her.

"Hi," she greets the young man. "Lise Delorme," she introduces herself.

"Here, come, sit," Danielle mutters and motions for Thomas to slide into the cubicle.

"I accidentally gave him the wrong time," she explains as she sits down opposite Lise. "My schedule got changed and I had the wrong print-out..." she gives a slight shake of her head. "Anyway, since Thomas hasn't had lunch yet, he asked, if he could come along..."

"Of course," Lise nods. She tries to nudge Danielle's knee, beneath the table, to let her know that she's not angry with her. It's a mix-up, things like that happen.

They'd made plans for them to have lunch together. Danielle had said that she'd be finished with work for the day by the time Lise usually takes her lunch, when she remembers to and nothing comes up.

The greeting was weird. Danielle usually doesn't seem to have an issue, with holding Lise's hand in public, or even exchanging chaste kisses. Now it seems like the blonde doesn't want her student to know Lise and her are dating, and it's throwing her for a loop. She isn't sure if this is because it's someone Danielle engages with in a professional setting, if Thomas has said something in the past that makes her think him knowing she's in a lesbian relationship would be bad, or if she is generally uncomfortable having people who know her know this.

"Uh," Thomas mutters, frowning at the menu. Lise watches his mouth move as he struggles to read silently.

"You can sound it out," Danielle tells him, her voice gentle. "Lise doesn't mind."

She gives Thomas what she hopes is a reassuring smile, before she returns to her own menu. Or tries to, at least.

"Anything in particular you're looking for?" Danielle asks him. The dark-haired man frowns and gives a slight tilt of his head.

"Eggs," he declares. "I l-l-li-like eggs," he adds, a blush coloring his cheeks as he keeps his gaze trained firmly on the menu.

"Do you want help finding something with them?" Danielle offers and Thomas swallows before he nods, putting down the menu with a slightly defeated expression. Lise watches as Danielle procures some sticky page markers and sticks them next to the dishes that have eggs.

Thomas mutters a soft thanks and returns to reading softly. Lise has to blink and give a slight shake of her head, to pull her attention away from him.

"Again," Danielle murmurs as she leans over a little. "I'm really sorry, for this," she apologizes. "I completely messed up-"

"It's fine," Lise assures her and gives her a soft smile. "Though I'm guessing we don't have as much time, now?" she asks, with a slight tilt of her head.

"Depends," Danielle shrugs. "Thomas is my last student for today. If we finish here before the my hour break is up, I won't complain," she laughs, looking up the waitress approaches their table.

"Coffee, and French toast," Lise orders and hands her menu back.

"I'd like a water and espresso, and a turkey sandwich," Danielle tells her, giving Thomas a look.

"A w-water, f-for me," he orders and frowns down at the menu. "A-a-a-and pa-p-pancakes."

"Butter, syrup?"

"Yes," Thomas nods.

"Can we keep a menu?" Danielle asks and the waitress shrugs before leaving them.

"What happened to the eggs?" Lise asks with interest.

"Ppp-pancakes have e-eggs," Thomas shrugs, drawing a soft laugh from her.

"Hard to argue with that logic," Danielle agrees.

"Th-they are all s-s-sunny side u-up," he frowns at his menu. "I don't l-l-like th-that."

"I haven't actually tried their eggs here," Lise admits.

"You c-come h-h-he-h-here often?" Thomas asks her.

"Sometimes," Lise nods. "I like their coffee," she tells him. "Unlimited refills."

At her words, Danielle lets out a soft laugh.

"Like you need any more than you drink already," she teases her, causing Lise to roll her eyes at her.

"Anyway," she tells her, turning back to Thomas. "You ever come here, before?"

"No," he slowly shakes his head. "I don't ee-eat out a l-l-lot," he tells her, the blush returning to his cheeks. "Not unless I kn-know the m-m-m-menu."

"Ah," Lise mutters, feeling somewhat stupid. Of course, what he says makes sense. Having to order in a place where you don't know the sort of dishes they have, when you can't read, that wouldn't work, unless you were with someone who'd help you.

"He has an impressive list of takeout orders he can tell you," Danielle says, amusement sparkling in her green eyes. Thomas's blush deepens and she lets out a soft chuckle.

"How long have you..." Lise starts, but then doesn't quite know how to continue. Been Danielle's student? Been with Literacy Nipissing? Getting lessons?

"Three mo-months," Thomas answers. "My b-boss f-f-figured it ou-out, a-after a w-while. He m-made me g-go."

"Thomas is a carpenter," Danielle tells Lise.

"Really?" she finds herself asking, slightly surprised. The dark-haired man nods.

"Hm," he mutters, nodding towards the waitress when she brings their drinks.

"He's really good," Danielle adds, after she's taken a sip of her water.

"What's your favorite thing to build?" Lise asks him. Watches, as the man frowns, his thick brows furrowing as he stares at his hands.

"Bookshelves," he finally says. "I l-like the wood carving," he adds. Takes out his cellphone and pulls up the pictures on it. Lise watches as he swipes through a few, before he holds it out to her.

"Oh," she breathes, looking at the intricate wood carving.

"I'm working on th-that n-now," Thomas explains. "Special or-or-order, for a t-teacher. I like drawing th-th-the sk-sketches, and doing the c-c-a-ca-carving," he tells her.

"This is beautiful," Lise compliments, as Thomas shows her a few more pictures, of his work.

It seems like Thomas grows more comfortable, from then on. They make small talk, throughout the remainder of lunch, Danielle managing to elicit a few chuckles from the young man. It's actually the first time Lise sees her with a client. She seems very aware of him, of his level of comfort. Draws him into their conversation, smiles at him, asks him questions that are easy for him to answer. And Lise doesn't miss the puppy looks Thomas gives Danielle, when he thinks she's not looking. She doesn't blame him. The blonde is beautiful, and a great person. If she's like this when she's teaching, then Lise doesn't doubt that all her clients love her.

* * *

"This is Danielle."

"Hey," Lise murmurs into her cell phone when Danielle's voice greets her, stepping away from the car. "I know we said we would see each other tonight..." she starts, and hears Danielle let out a soft sigh.

"You caught a case?" she asks and Lise nods.

"Unfortunately, yes," she confirms. "I have to go to Toronto," she adds and closes her eyes.

"What?" Danielle breathes, her voice hitching. "Sorry," she apologizes almost immediately.

"I know, it sucks," Lise shakes her head. Hesitates, as she shifts, turns around and paces back to her car. "Would you, like to come along?" she asks her, following a whim.

"I'm sorry?" Danielle sounds breathless, and almost a little excited, for a moment.

"Well," Lise frowns and leans against her car. She came out here, to get her bag, and to have a private conversation. This isn't something she wants the others to hear. She's mentioned to Cardinal that she's seeing someone, in passing. She's pretty sure he figured out, why she is taking so long to grab her things from her car. He's not stupid.

"I just thought... Cardinal and I, we're flying out in, three hours. You'll be off work by then. I have to work, I know, but we'd still have the evening. Could turn it into a weekend trip, tomorrow is Friday, and we're not going to finish before the afternoon, anyway, so if you wanted, you and I, we could have a romantic getaway weekend, in Toronto," she explains her idea.

Danielle is quiet, for a few moments.

"I miss you," she finally says, her voice soft. "I do. I want to see you, but... realistically, if I come to Toronto with you, how much time would we even have, for each other?" she asks. "And what are the odds, that Cardinal gets very pissed off at you, for bringing me along?"

"He meets up with his daughter when we're in the city, so I don't see how he gets to be angry at me for seeing you," Lise argues feebly. She misses Danielle, so much. They've barely been able to speak on the phone, never mind see each other the entire week, and Lise is starting to feel rather lonely. Danielle, she's this, bright presence in her life. She wasn't aware, of how attached she's gotten, until right now. How big of a deal it is, when she cannot see the other woman for a few days.

"There's a difference between catching up with someone in the city, and being followed by someone from your hometown," Danielle reminds her. And suddenly lets out a soft laugh. "That does make me sound kind of creepy," she says, drawing a smile from Lise.

"When you put it like that, yes," she agrees. "So I don't have to tell Dyson I want Saturday off?" she asks, just to make sure. "And I come back Friday night?"

"If you really want to take a weekend in Toronto, we can do that. Some other time, okay? When you're not there for work, when it will just be the two of us," Danielle replies, her voice soft. "I miss you, I do. And I so wish we could see each other. But I know you. You'll be busy with work, tossing around ideas with Cardinal. That's fine, I know it's your job. But I don't particularly have a desire to intrude when I know your attention will be somewhere else entirely."

"You're probably right," Lise sighs and rubs a hand over her forehead. She kind of hates her job, right now. She was looking forward to being able to see Danielle. To be able to kiss her, and hold her hand, and just be with her.

"I could meet you at the airport, though," Danielle offers. "Unless that would make you, uncomfortable."

Lise pulls her bottom lip between her teeth, considering the offer. It's so little. It's not what she wants, isn't nearly enough. But it is something.

"Would you be alright? Saying goodbye, in front of other people?" she asks her. Cardinal hasn't met her, yet. If Danielle agrees to this, if she shows up at the airport, and Lise kisses her, he will know, who she's seeing. It makes her wonder, if she told him that the person she's seeing is another woman. She doesn't think she's explicitly said so. Actually, coming to think of it, she hasn't used she/her pronouns, either. Oh.

"Yes," Danielle replies immediately.

"Then yes, I would love for you to meet me at the airport," Lise says, thankful that at least, she will get this. A short moment, with Danielle, to get her through Toronto and the trip back.

She'll deal with Cardinal's surprise. It won't give him a heart attack, Lise doesn't think. It might throw him for a loop for a bit, but then again, Lise kind of enjoys when she manages to surprise him. She's pretty sure he caught on to her being bisexual by now, but with straight men, you never know. This promises to be a rather entertaining trip.

* * *

Her phone chimes half an hour before Lise usually goes to bed. She's tempted to ignore it, but it might be Cardinal, or someone from the precinct, so Lise picks it up and briefly checks the sender of the message.

She's not surprised to find Danielle's name on her screen.

Still angry, she tosses her phone back onto the couch, perhaps with a bit more force than necessary. It bounces and Lise quickly grabs it, so it doesn't hit the floor next.

With a sigh, and a shake of her head, she unlocks the screen, deciding to see what it is that Danielle has to say.

_I'm sorry, for blowing up at you earlier. I understand if you don't want to see me, but I'd like to apologize, in person._

As fights go, it probably wasn't a big one. But she's so used, to not fighting, from her marriage, that it seems to Lise that the way Danielle and her just, yelled at each other earlier, it was, bad. Really, really bad.

She can't even remember why they started arguing in the first place. Just that Danielle had seemed pissed, about something, and gotten irrationally angry at Lise for cancelling their dinner date for the next day.

She suddenly feels tears welling up in her eyes and hides her face in her hands. She hadn't meant to shout, but she'd gotten so, angry, at Danielle, all of a sudden. She can't even explain it, can't make sense of why she reacted so strongly. It's not like she wanted to cancel, but she has an interview, and Cardinal asked her to review the surveillance footage with him after, to corroborate the statements they're going to get.

Maybe she should call her. It's late, and she doesn't particularly want to go to bed, fighting with her girlfriend. If Danielle's really sorry...

With a sigh, she selects her contact and presses the dial button.

Danielle answers on the third ring.

"Hey," she greets her, her voice strangely hoarse.

"Have you been crying?" Lise asks, surprised. Danielle lets out a sniffle and chuckle.

"Yeah," she confirms and Lise closes her eyes. She hadn't meant to do that.

"It's not your fault," Danielle tells her, her voice soft. "This wasn't just about us fighting. I had a real shit day, in general. To be honest, crying helped."

"I didn't mean to, go off on you," Lise murmurs, and tugs her legs beneath herself. She hears Danielle let out a long exhale.

"You had every right to," she says, finally. "I was an asshole, plain and simple."

"Danielle-"

"It's okay," she interrupts Lise. "I know I was out of line. You don't have to feel bad, about what happened. I take full responsibility, for this one."

"I still shouldn't have yelled at you."

"I'm glad you did," Danielle chuckles. "It pulled me out of my funk. I didn't leave because I was mad at you. I was just mad, in general, and needed some release for that. I'm sorry that you got the worst of it. You didn't deserve that."

"No, I didn't," Lise agrees. Draws a slow breath and rubs a hand over her face. "Wanna tell me, why you were mad?" she asks.

She hears Danielle move, hears her take a deep breath.

"I don't think that would be a good idea, right now," she finally says. "It has nothing to do with you, and I don't want you to believe you did anything to warrant this. You have every right to be pissed at me."

"I was," Lise murmurs. "I kind of still, am," she admits, after a moment.

"Rightfully so," Danielle says. Lise hears her let out a shaky breath. "First fight, huh?" she murmurs and Lise closes her eyes.

"Yes," she nods. "It, sucked."

"That it did," the blonde confirms. "I wish it hadn't happened."

"Me, too," Lise agrees. "But, in a strange way, I'm glad it did," she adds, after a moment.

"Really?"

"My ex and I, we didn't fight. We just, pretended nothing was wrong, that we weren't angry, that everything was fine... Obviously, I'm not happy, about how you let me know your... displeasure," she tries to find a diplomatic way to word it, drawing a snort from Danielle. "But at the same time, I'm thankful you did."

It surprises her, how true this is. Josh and her, they never managed to figure out how to let each other know when they were upset about something. They just went about their day, acting as if everything was fine, until it got so bad that they couldn't pretend any more and then it blew up in their faces. They never learned from it, either, and went right back to biting their tongues and forcing smiles.

Fighting with Danielle, as much as it sucks, that feels, healthier, in a way. Yes, neither one of them was particularly articulate earlier, and it ended with the blonde leaving in a hurry. But they're talking about it now, they're working on fixing it. And as far as Lise understands, this was a result of both of them being pissed off about something else before they blew up at each other. And what is more, they both seem to be genuinely sorry. Lise is, at least, and what Danielle has said, her apology, that sounded genuine to her.

"I should have found a better way to do it, though," Danielle sighs. Lise can almost see her, rubbing a hand over her forehead, worrying at her bottom lip.

"Can we, move on, from this?" Lise asks her softly. "I don't want to have you apologizing to me the whole time. You did, I heard it, I accept it. It's okay."

"Thank you," Danielle replies softly. "Can we, still talk? Tomorrow? I know you'll be busy and it will be pretty late, but I'd like to at least have a conversation with you, before I go to bed."

"We can do that," Lise agrees. "I'll text you, when I'm done with work, and either you call me, or you don't, if it's too late and you're in bed already."

"Sounds good," the blonde agrees. Pauses, for a moment. Then, "I know I don't have a reason for it, but I'm kind of jealous, of your partner."

It makes Lise's eyes bulge in surprise.

"What?" she breathes, sitting up sharply. She's never heard Danielle say anything like this, before. Never caught an indication of her feeling this way, about Lise's relationship with Cardinal. It reminds her of what Josh had assumed, about the nature of her relationship with John. Makes her worry that Danielle would think the same thing, that there is something going on between Cardinal and her. There isn't. She values his friendship, his advice, but there's nothing romantic or sexual between them.

"Not in the sense that I think there's something going on between you two," Danielle hastens to assure Lise, and she finds herself breathing a sigh of relief. "But in the way that, he sees you, every day. And I don't, sometimes, and it makes me, upset? I don't blame you, I know this isn't something you can control, nor would I ask you to. I trust you."

Lise suddenly finds herself swallowing, hard, when she realizes that the two of them, Danielle and her, they never said whether or not they considered this an exclusive sort of thing, between them. She does, always has. But suddenly, the thought occurs to her that maybe, Danielle and her, they need to talk, about what they see their relationship as, what kind of expectations they have.

"I think we need to talk," she tells Danielle. Hears her let out a ragged breath and almost wants to hit herself over the head for that poor choice of words. "Don't worry, it's nothing to do with Cardinal," she assures her. "And I swear it's not about ending, what's between us."

"Okay," Danielle murmurs. "You scared me there, for a moment."

"I just realized... We never talked, about what we saw this as. This, thing, between us, I mean," Lise tells her.

"Oh," the blonde's voice carries over the line. "You're right. I didn't realize... Wow. Pretty important step to skip over," she says, and Lise can just imagine her, shaking her head with a deep frown.

"I don't want to see Cardinal, as anything else than a work partner and friend. Nor do I want to see anyone else, besides you," Lise confesses. "I know this might not be what you're looking for-"

"Are you kidding?" Danielle interrupts her, both tears and laughter in her voice. "I don't want to see anyone else besides you. You're all I can think about, all I want. Romantically, sexually."

Lise closes her eyes and breathes a sigh of relief.

"I guess we're both pretty lucky we feel the same way," she chuckles and hears Danielle lets out a soft laugh in response.

"I guess we are," she agrees. "I really care about you, Lise. I very much like spending time with you."

"Me, too," Lise nods. Pauses, with a frown. "Wait. I mean, I enjoy spending time with you, too."

"I'm glad," Danielle laughs. Then adds, more sober, "Would it be weird to say I keep thinking of you, as my girlfriend?"

"Not at all," Lise shakes her head, her heart expanding at the words as happiness floods her. "I kind of think of you the same way," she admits.

"I have a girlfriend," Danielle giggles, causing Lise to shake her head at her in exasperation. Though she kind of gets it. It is a wonderful feeling. How come that, an hour ago, she felt like absolute shit and was angry as hell, and now she's feeling all mushy and gooey from happiness?

"Your girlfriend has to go to bed soon," she reminds Danielle, the word making her heart beat just a little faster. "And I think you could do with some sleep, as well."

"Probably, yes," Danielle agrees with an exaggerated sigh. "I think my colleagues would appreciate it if I don't snap at them tomorrow."

"Did you do that today?" Lise asks her, her brows dipping.

"Kind of," Danielle admits. "As I said, shitty day."

"I'm sorry," Lise murmurs and rubs a hand over her eyes. "You want to keep talking, for a bit?"

"No," Danielle answers, after a moment. "No, I think I should really let you go to bed, so you're all sharp and rested tomorrow," she adds. "Have a good night."

"You, too," Lise tells her, closing her eyes for a moment. "Bye, Danielle."

"Goodnight, Lise," the blonde mutters before hanging up.

* * *

Danielle sleeps on her side, her knees drawn up so much she's almost curled into a ball. She reminds Lise of a cat, the way they will curl up when they lay down for a nap.

She's very cute. Lise can feel her lips tug into a soft smile as she keeps watching Danielle. Reaches out slowly and carefully brushes a curl of hair from her face. Danielle's nose crinkles as the ends tickle it. Her breath leaves her in a soft sigh as she relaxes again and Lise slowly lets out the breath she's been holding.

She lets her eyes roam over her girlfriend's soft face and finds herself frowning in slight annoyance with herself. She's never noticed that Danielle has freckles, before. Chances are that her makeup covers them, but now they are clearly visible. A smattering of tiny brown spots, on the ridge of her nose and trailing to her cheekbones. They are kind of pale, making Lise wonder if maybe, this is a spring/summer thing. Maybe Danielle's freckles only come out during the warm months, and the weather they've been getting recently, the increasing temperatures and the huge amount of sun, has caused them to make an appearance.

She's never noticed the tiny scar, above her left eyebrow, either. It's a very faint, light line that doesn't cut into the brow. Makes Lise wonder, how she got it.

"It's not polite to stare."

To her credit, Lise manages not to let out a scream. She still jumps and her heart skips a beat, before racing in her chest.

Danielle slowly opens her eyes, still looking rather sleepy.

"Good morning," Lise murmurs and leans in to brush her lips over Danielle's. Draws a sigh from her, before she turns onto her back and stretches, reminding Lise again so strongly of a cat. When afterwards, she reaches up to rub her eye, Danielle kind of ruins the picture, though it does add to her cuteness.

"Have you been awake for long?" she asks her, her voice hoarse with sleep. Lise slowly shakes her head no.

"Not really," she replies, a content sigh leaving her when Danielle turns back onto her side and snuggles close, her warm breath tickling the skin of Lise's throat.

"Sleep well?" she murmurs, running her hand through the mess that are Danielle's curls.

"Hm," the blonde hums softly. "Very well," she replies, leaning back to be able to look at Lise. There's a soft expression in her eyes that makes Lise's heart stutter. Has her consciously keep her mouth shut and swallow, in order to bite back the words that were on the tip of her tongue.

Danielle reaches up to stroke her cheek, leaning in for a soft kiss. It makes Lise let out a soft sigh as she returns the pressure. Kisses Danielle slowly, without hurry. Again and again, over and over.

It's not the first time she's shared Danielle's bed. Actually, it's the third. The first had been after a movie night when Lise had been too tired to drive. She'd wanted to call a cab, but Danielle had suggested she stay, instead. Lise would gladly have taken the couch, though her girlfriend had said she was fine with her sharing her bed, as long as Lise didn't mind. Both the first and second time Lise stayed over, Danielle woke up before her, surprising Lise with freshly brewed coffee when her alarm went off.

Danielle's hands slowly trace down her sides, before they slip beneath Lise's tank top. The contact makes her inhale sharply, her breath catching in her throat.

Maybe making out in Danielle's bed wasn't the brightest idea they ever had, Lise suddenly thinks. Because she's getting really aroused, right now, and will be in need of a very long, very cold shower in a bit.

"Lise," Danielle breathes against her lips, sounding rather needy. It's only then that Lise realizes she has one hand trailing up and down Danielle's thigh. The other woman doesn't pull back, though. If anything, it feels like she's actually moving into the touch.

She decides to take a chance and places her hand behind Danielle's knee, drawing it up and over her own thigh.

The blonde lets out a soft sigh, pressing closer and Lise's hips instinctively move to meet her movement. She lets out a sharp breath of surprise, her eyes opening. Breaks the kiss and strokes Danielle's cheek, searching her face.

The blonde swallows thickly and gives a slight nod.

"Yes," she whispers softly, brushing her lips over Lise's in a gentle caress that is a far cry from the urgent, needy kisses they exchanged only a moment ago.

Lise finds herself swallowing thickly and takes a shuddering breath.

"Okay," she murmurs. "Tell me, when I'm doing something you don't like," she tells Danielle, whose lips quirk into a soft smile and she nudges Lise's nose with her own.

"You, too," she responds, before pulling Lise into a soft kiss again. One that escalates rather quickly, until they're both panting between kisses, their hearts racing in their chests. Lise feels Danielle lift the hem of her top and sits up a little, so she can take it off easily. She's unbuttoned Danielle's pajama top, allowing her access to the blonde's soft skin. Which Lise is making plenty use of, kissing her way up and down her body.

It's wonderful, to feel Danielle move into her kisses. To feel the way her breath hitches, hear her let it out with a shuddering sigh.

"Can I take these off?" Danielle whispers, running the tips of her fingers over the edge of Lise's panties. It makes her pause, makes her actually consider the question. She'd be completely fine, if Danielle just stuck her hands inside, but Lise thinks ultimately, the garment may become annoying, so she nods.

"Yes," she agrees, and lets Danielle roll them over. She takes her time, slowly kissing down Lise's body, her tongue darting out every once in a while, teeth grazing her skin occasionally and sending a surprised shock of pleasure down her body. By the time she's made it to her destination, Lise has one hand firmly twisted in the covers, to restrain herself from twisting it in Danielle's hair and directing her where she wants her.

She takes her time. Hooks her fingers through the band of Lise's panties and slowly draws them down and over her legs, before tossing them aside. Lise watches as she leans in again, to kiss the inside of her left knee. Begins to trail the tiniest of kisses up the inside of her thigh, leaving behind a trail of goosebumps as heat pools in the pit of her stomach.

"Danielle," she breathes and sits up sharply, to draw her into an urgent kiss. As wonderful as this is, it is torture, how slowly the blonde is moving. She wonders, for a moment, if maybe Danielle is trying to buy time, perhaps she's changed her mind and doesn't know how to tell Lise. But then she feels Danielle's grin against her lips, and Lise realizes that she's doing this on purpose. It makes her decide that two people can play this game, and turnabout is only fair, right?

Danielle draws a sharp breath when Lise runs her hand over the front of her shorts. She breaks their kiss and drops her forehead to Lise's shoulder as she grabs her wrist to still her movement.

"Dani?" Lise whispers and gently touches the back of her head with her free hand. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Danielle replies, her breath hot against Lise's skin. She turns her head and Lise feels her kiss the side of her neck before she leans back to meet her eyes again. "It's been a while," she whispers, blushing.

The concern slowly leaves Lise when she realizes that she didn't inadvertently hurt Danielle.

"You want them off?" she asks her gently, giving a light tug on the material of Danielle's shorts.

"Would that be alright?" the blonde asks, her eyes brightening. Lise nods and feels Danielle slowly let go of her hand. She keeps looking into her eyes as she reaches down with both hands, slowly pulling down Danielle's shorts. The blonde kneels for a moment, so Lise can pull them over her ass, before she sits down again, allowing Lise to slide the material down her long legs.

When she's tossed her shorts aside, Lise slowly begins to trail her hands up Danielle's legs, keeping the touch light. Danielle reaches up to cradle her face, rests her forehead against Lise's and kisses her hungrily. When she reaches the top of her thighs, Danielle's hips buck and she lets out a loud exhale, a chuckle leaving her.

"Are you okay, with me touching you?" Lise asks, just to make sure.

"Please," Danielle whimpers, a moan leaving her when Lise gently strokes her hand over her erection. She can feel her trembling with the effort to hold back.

"Hey," she murmurs and kisses her, wrapping an arm around Danielle to carefully pull her with her as Lise lays back down. She starts stroking her gently, Danielle moaning into their kiss as her hips buck against Lise.

"Sorry," she apologizes quickly, her breath leaving her in soft pants.

"It's fine," Lise gives a slight shake of her head. Hesitates, her movements slowing down, when she feels Danielle's fingers digging into her hip. She decides to take a chance and lifts her leg, wrapping it around Danielle's hip and pulling her closer.

The blonde moans her name and kisses her urgently, drawing Lise's bottom lip between her teeth for a moment, a jolt of pleasure racing straight to her center at the stinging sensation.

Lise feels her move. Feels Danielle's arms wraps around her and gently guide her, until Danielle is on her back and Lise is straddling her hips.

"Dani," she breathes, not sure how to proceed. She wants her. She wants her so badly, but at the same time, she isn't entirely sure if this is the way she does.

The way the blonde looks up at her makes her heart flutter in her chest. Her eyes are dark with arousal, but her expression is so soft, so trusting, it takes Lise's breath away.

"No penetration," Danielle whispers, leaning up to nudge Lise's nose with her own, before she trails soft kisses down her jawline. It makes Lise let out a relieved breath, surprising her with the realization of what made her hesitate a moment before.

The gentle reassurance is enough for Lise to relax and lower herself until she's resting against Danielle. The contact of their sexes makes them both draw a sharp breath, Lise's eyes fluttering shut at the sensation.

She feels one of Danielle's hands run up and down her back, the other gently massaging her hip. Tilts her head to capture her lips in a kiss as she gives her hips an experimental move along Danielle's length.

The hold the blonde has on Lise's hip tightens, her nails briefly biting into her skin as Lise feels the breath catch in her chest. Danielle's back arches as she presses herself up against Lise, though her hips stay painfully still. If anything, they move away from the contact, countering the arching of the blonde's back.

"You okay?" Lise asks softly as she searches Danielle's face. The blonde swallows, a ragged breath leaving her as she gives a mute nod. Lise gently brushes her hair back from her face, using the other hand to brace herself against the mattress, so she isn't fully laying on Danielle.

"You feel," Danielle starts, pausing to draw a fresh breath, "amazing," she finishes, the hand previously on Lise's back trailing over her shoulder and up her neck, before she cups her face and pulls her into a heady kiss, her hips moving slightly, sending a stab of pleasure through Lise, who counters the movement instinctively.

They manage to build up a slow rhythm, rubbing against each other. Lise can feel herself growing close, pleasure racing through her every time Danielle's hips surge forward, her erection moving over Lise's clit.

Danielle sneaks a hand between them, trails it over her breasts, and Lise lets out a whimper at the sensation of her touching her nipple.

"Please," she breathes into Danielle's mouth, who kisses her softly.

"Lean back," Danielle murmurs and Lise does, opening her mouth to ask what she has in mind, when she feels Danielle's lips close around her nipple, and lets out a loud moan instead. She can feel her tongue moving, teasing, Lise's hips grinding down in response. Danielle lets go for a moment, a ragged breath escaping her, causing goosebumps to break out over Lise's skin as the air hits the wetness let behind by the blonde's saliva.

She's so close. Lise trails her hands over Danielle's chest, trying to pay attention to both her breasts, but the waves of pleasure make it hard. They're both panting heavily, their movements becoming increasingly erratic, the rhythm they managed to build faltering.

Danielle kisses her searchingly, sitting up to reach, and the change in angle is enough to send Lise over the edge with a shout of her name. She wraps her arms around her, holding the other woman close as her hips jerk and Lise rides out her orgasm. Feels Danielle's hand bury in her hair, the other arm wrapping around her to hold her close.

Lise leans forward, pushing Danielle back into the mattress as she kisses her, a shudder running through her. The blonde breaks the kiss, drawing a sharp breath, before she trails open-mouthed kisses down Lise's neck and clavicle.

"Lise," Danielle breathes against her clavicle. Arches her back and Lise lets out a soft hiss, at the sensation of Danielle's nails digging into her shoulder blades. "Lise, je vais jouir," Danielle groans when she keeps moving her hips, keeps touching herself to Danielle.

Lise leans down and captures her lips again. Pulls Danielle into a lingering kiss, a smile tugging on her lips. She feels her tense up and go stiff, a loud moan leaving Danielle as her hips jerk and she holds Lise tight against herself.

"Sh, c'est bien," she murmurs and touches her forehead against the other woman's when she feels her tremble. "Ah, hey," she breathes when Danielle breaks the kiss and Lise hears her sniffle. "Sh, hey, it's okay," she whispers and slides off her. Pulls over the blanket to cover them as she strokes Danielle's cheek. "What is it?" she asks her gently. "Did I hurt you?"

"Non," Danielle shakes her head and reaches up to wipe at the tears rolling from her eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," she breathes. Draws a shuddering breath as she turns onto her side and draws up her legs a little. She turns her face into the pillow and takes a slow breath. Holds it, but when she lets it out, it's as a sob, and Lise feels her heart shatter.

"Oh, hey," she husks, tears beginning to gather in her own eyes. "I want to hold you, but-" she pleads, feeling utterly stupid, because she has no idea how to react to this.

"Please," Danielle nods and lifts an arm. "Don't let me go," she requests as Lise moves in and wraps an arm around her middle, throwing a leg over her hip to be as close to the blonde as possible.

"I'm right here," she tells her and presses a kiss to Danielle's temple. "I'm sorry," she apologizes, her voice soft. "I just didn't expect..."

"Me, neither," Danielle sniffles, a chuckle leaving her. She's hidden her face against Lise's chest, has her arms wrapped around her. Lise can feel her breath against her naked chest, drawing goosebumps across her skin.

"Hey," she murmurs and runs a hand through Danielle's curls. The other woman shudders and leans back a little, to look at her.

"Are you okay?" Lise asks her, genuinely concerned. She's never had a reaction like this, herself. Okay, once, she came close to crying, but that had been her wedding night. And none of her partners ever did something like this, either. She's completely out of her element, and it, it scares her.

"Yes," Danielle whispers, her voice hoarse with tears. "I guess I really needed that," she jokes and reaches up to wipe away the tears from her face. Lise reaches out and gently helps her, before leaning in to kiss her again.

"You are beautiful," she whispers, rubbing her nose against Danielle's affectionately. "This was wonderful," she adds, surprised to feel tears pooling in her own eyes. It makes Danielle's widen and then she lets out a soft laugh.

"We're a mess," she declares, gently stroking Lise's cheek.

"We are," Lise agrees and closes her eyes for a moment, to both get a grip on herself, as well as to just soak in Danielle's proximity.

"Are you okay?" Danielle asks her after a moment, voice low and gentle. Lise opens her eyes again and swallows.

"I think so," she replies, her brows dipping slightly as she tries to take stock of her feelings. She's, happy. Both content and giddy, and completely overwhelmed. And scared. Because this, this felt wonderful, and so intimate, and like so much more than just sex. She can't remember the last time she made love like this. Isn't entirely sure if she ever has. Maybe, once or twice, with Josh, but certainly not with anyone else before or since then.

"I almost want to spend the rest of the day in bed with you," Danielle murmurs, drawing a soft laugh from Lise.

"Only almost?" she teases her. "Did I do something wrong?"

The blonde lets out a giggle and shakes her head no.

"No, but I feel like we will have to eat, at some point," she replies. "And I was kind of looking forward, to that picnic you promised me."

"Right," Lise nods, remembering their plans for the day. She reaches out and slowly traces Danielle's collarbone with her fingers. Watches, mesmerized, as the blonde closes her eyes with a soft sigh at the touch. "You know," she starts, lowering her voice. "We can always postpone the picnic."

"That we could," Danielle agrees. Opens her eyes again to look at Lise. She watches her brows dip slightly, watches as Danielle toys with a strand of Lise's hair.

"Can we, talk, about something?" she asks her, a nervous note creeping into her voice.

"Of course," Lise nods. "Is this... about what just happened?" she asks carefully. Danielle swallows and nods.

"Yes," she confirms. Picks up Lise's hand and entwines their fingers, before she presses a soft kiss to her knuckles. "For, possible future endeavors of this sort... I don't like oral sex. Performed on me, I mean," she tells Lise. "I'm completely fine, going down on you. If that is something you enjoy, that is," she quickly adds. "But, please don't, do that. To me."

"Okay," Lise replies softly. "No oral sex. Got it," she repeats seriously. Searches Danielle's eyes. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," Danielle nods.

"You don't have to answer this," Lise tells her, needing her to know that she's completely fine to refuse an answer to this question. "The first time we almost made love, you said something, about your last partner using words for your genitals that, made you feel dysphoric," she says and feels Danielle tense. "I was wondering, would you tell me? What word or words you use?"

Danielle blinks at her in surprise, and Lise watches as she relaxes somewhat.

"I thought you were going to ask what she said," she confesses and Lise feels her eyes widen.

"No," she quickly shakes her head. "Crisse, I'd never... no," she repeats, calming down. "If you don't want me to say anything, it's absolutely fine. I respect that. But, I think it would be good to know, for future reference or use."

Danielle watches her for a moment, idly stroking her thumb over the back of Lise's hand.

"Promise me you won't laugh," she whispers softly and Lise nods.

"I promise," she replies.

"A former girlfriend, she called it a 'vageene', and that, kind of stuck," Danielle murmurs.

"Is it okay, if I say it?" Lise asks. Danielle slowly nods, searching her face.

"Va-geene," Lise repeats, trying it out. Tilts her head a little. "That..."

"Sounds ridiculous?" Danielle volunteers with a humorless chuckle.

"Actually, no," Lise shakes her head. "I was going to say, it's kind of, cute. Sorry," she adds at Danielle's surprised look. If someone told her the name for her genitals was cute... honestly, she doesn't know what she'd feel, but probably not amused.

"It's... I hate, the d- and c- word, for this anatomy. They make me feel, awful," Danielle shakes her head, her brows dipping. "Sam, she was trying to cheer me up. I didn't want to use 'vagina', because that was just a reminder, of what I don't have. She'd read that some trans men liked 'peen' as a name for their parts, so she suggested 'vageene'. At first, it felt like a compromise. Like, using part of what I have, and part of what I thought I should have instead. After a while, I actually, came to like it," she explains with a slight shrug. "If it's uncomfortable for you, I'm usually okay with penis."

"Yeah, we're not gonna do that," Lise shakes her head no. "I'm not going to use something you're 'usually okay with' and cross my fingers and hope it's not one of the times you're not fine with it," she tells her. "Vageene it is."

Danielle's lips quirk into a soft smile and she traces her thumb over Lise's bottom lip.

"Thank you," she murmurs. "For being so respectful, and understanding."

"I hear what you're saying," Lise replies, "but I feel like that's, the baseline," she adds, with a slight shake of her head. "You deserve at least that, Danielle. Someone who respects your boundaries and doesn't ask you to ignore them, just to make it easier for them."

"I know that," Danielle responds, with a soft sigh. "Mentally, I know it. Emotionally, that's, a different story," she frowns, before giving a slight shake of her head. "Working on it."

"Good," Lise nods and leans in for a soft kiss, vowing to try and keep in mind that she needs to check in with her girlfriend more often, to make sure she doesn't cross her boundaries and Danielle just figures it's fine.

* * *

Kissing Danielle feels, amazing. Lise lets out a soft sigh of contentment and reaches between them, running her hand over the front of her girlfriend's underwear. Hears the blonde draw a sharp breath as she kisses her back urgently.

Lise leans back as she lifts the hem of Danielle's shirt, breaking their kiss for a moment. Immediately after it has cleared her head, Danielle has pulled her against her again, kissing Lise's lips, her cheeks, her jaw. It makes her giggles softly, the eagerness at which Danielle lavishes attention on her skin.

She buries her fingers in her curls and gently pulls her back, so she can kiss her again, before Lise leans against her, pressing Danielle back into the sheets. Starts to trail kisses down her body, taking her time as she feels Danielle's breath hitch, as the blonde squirms beneath her. Lise reaches down and trails her hands over Danielle's thighs slowly, moving to their insides. Feels her tense beneath her touch as she touches her over her underwear again.

"Sorry," Danielle breathes and sits up abruptly. Lise pulls back, sitting up herself, surprised by her sudden change in mood. Watches as she grabs her shirt off the floor and puts it on, tightly crossing her arms over her chest.

"Did I do something..." she asks, brows furrowing as she tries to remember, if Danielle said she didn't want to be touched earlier. This isn't, isn't new. Granted, they haven't slept with each other a lot, only twice, so far, but Lise had thought that Danielle had enjoyed it.

"No," her girlfriend replies, an edge to her voice. "Look, I, I know this is, hard to understand, but it's not you."

"Okay," Lise frowns, tilting her head slightly. Reaches out to touch Danielle, to reassure her. "Hey, it's fine-"

"No, it's not," Danielle snaps and pulls away when Lise touches her shoulder gently. "Just, leave it, alright? I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to think about it, alright? Just ignore it."

It makes Lise swallow thickly and she takes a slow breath. She did notice that Danielle didn't seem to get hard, but honestly, it hadn't really mattered, to Lise. She'd have been fine with taking things slow, with trying something else, or giving her more time.

"If you really want that, I will," she tells Danielle. "But you're hurting, and-"

"It's nothing you can fix, so stop trying!" Danielle yells and gets up. She's expecting the bang, but it still makes Lise jump when Danielle slams the bedroom door closed behind herself.

She decides to take a few deeps breaths, before she gets out of bed herself and dresses again. With her shirt and pants back on, she slowly opens the door, and goes to look for Danielle. She finds her in the living room, squeezed into the corner of the couch with her legs drawn up.

"Do you want me to leave?" she asks her carefully. She's kind of out of her element, right now. This happened once or twice, with Josh, and it was fine then. They just kissed, and cuddled. It hadn't mattered to her. It doesn't matter to her now, either. Beyond the fact that she can see Danielle is hurting, that it's painful for her, is bothering her.

"If you want to," Danielle shrugs, not looking at her.

"I don't," Lise shakes her head and takes a step closer. "But if you'd rather be alone right now..." she trails off. Doesn't miss how Danielle fails to answer.

"Alright," she whispers after a minute and turns to get her jacket and purse.

"It's the estrogen, and the blockers."

Danielle's voice is barely audible. It makes Lise pause and look back at her. Danielle worries at a cut in her jeans, tugging on one of the loose threads, her brows furrowed.

"It means I don't get as hard as men do. Usually takes longer, as well. And sometimes, it doesn't happen, at all," she murmurs. It makes Lise swallow heavily, before she slowly approaches her. Sits down at the other end of the couch, watching Danielle.

"You're gorgeous and I'm horny, and frustrated, and I hate it. I hate all of this, I hate myself-"

"Stop," Lise breathes and reaches out. Touches Danielle's shoulder as she blonde clenches her eyes shut. She hesitates for a moment, before she scoots over and wraps Danielle up in a tight hug. Instead of fighting her, of pushing her away, the blonde lets out a sob and turns into the hug. Wraps her arms around Lise tightly as she starts to cry.

"I love you," Lise whispers as she kisses Danielle's temple. "I love you, so much," she murmurs. "You're a wonderful person, Dani. You're so gentle and so beautiful inside and out and I don't ever want to be without you again. I love you, je t'aime, je t'aime, je t'aime tellement mon coeur."

Danielle's hold tightens and Lise feels her begin cry even harder, but she thinks she can feel her nod as the blonde clutches at her. It's something, at least, as she showers kisses onto Danielle's hair and murmurs nothings to her in an effort to calm her down again.

* * *

"I love that color. What is it?"

"I'm sorry?" Danielle breathes and Lise looks up to see her blush.

"Your lipstick. It's really pretty."

"Kelly," Cardinal sighs, his brows dipping as he looks at his daughter.

"What?" the younger woman asks, casting a short glance at him before she picks up her water and takes a sip.

"It's fine," Danielle murmurs with a slight shake of her head. "But I honestly have no idea," she tells Kelly. "I got it as a freebie once, I don't even remember where."

"Aw, drat," Kelly mutters.

Lise reaches down beneath the table to take Danielle's hand and give it a soft squeeze. Feels her hold on tightly, the strength of her grip bordering on painful.

They went out to grab some dinner at their favorite diner. Lise hadn't known that Kelly was in town, but Danielle and her found Cardinal and his daughter there, having just sat down themselves. They invited them to join them, and it had seemed rude to decline.

"Sorry," Cardinal murmurs, apologizing for his daughter.

"It's fine," Danielle waves him off. "I don't have a lot of opportunities, to talk make-up," she adds with a wink at Kelly, who lets out a giggle and gives her father a slight nudge.

"See," she tells him, causing him to roll his eyes.

"I am very sorry, for forcing you into this," he tells Lise with an exaggerated sigh. It makes her smile at him.

"Yes, it is absolutely horrible," she nods solemnly. And feels Danielle's shoulder nudge hers.

"Hey!" she protests, giving her girlfriend a look of mock hurt.

This whole thing, it makes her, nervous. Danielle has met Cardinal before. Briefly. When she picked Lise up at the precinct, twice. They've exchanged maybe three sentences with each other, nothing more.

It's not that Lise is, embarrassed, or ashamed, of their relationship. She sometimes mentions Danielle, in passing, at work. It's just... it's her private life. She loves Danielle, and their relationship is so important, to her. She wants to protect that. Wants to shield it from anything bad that might come from her job, and prevent it from somehow tainting what they're building, together.

And maybe, she is a little nervous, about what John thinks of her. That he may not like her. She cherishes his friendship, she wants her girlfriend and her partner to get along.

"So, any plans, for this weekend?" Cardinal asks and Lise gives a non-commital shrug.

"Not really," she repeats what she already told him yesterday at the precinct. "Maybe a hike, but only if it doesn't get too hot."

"You like hiking?" Kelly asks with interest.

"Not like, as a serious activity," Lise quickly shakes her head. "But there are a few trails that can be taken at a leisurely stroll around here."

"Don't let her fool you," Danielle chimes in. "Her definition of 'leisurely stroll' is your normal man's 'brisk pace'," she grins, causing Lise to duck her head a little. Maybe she had gotten a bit, carried away, the first time Danielle and her went for one of those hikes together. She hadn't noticed how fast the pace she'd set was, until she'd realized that Danielle was having trouble keeping up with her. They've been on a few more, since that experience, holding hands and just generally enjoying nature and being around each other. Lise had let Danielle set the pace, and she has to admit, it is a lot of fun to go this way, as well. Different fun, but fun nonetheless.

"Any interest in taking on a third party?" Kelly asks casually and Lise swears she can see Cardinal fight back the urge to hit his forehead.

She gives Danielle a look and a slight shrug, telling her it's her choice. She's fine with either, really. She won't mind if Kelly tags along, but would totally understand if Danielle doesn't want the daughter of Lise's partner to intrude on what they'd planned as their alone-time.

"Only if you bring food," Danielle says, after a pause. "I keep trying to convince her to let me bring snacks, but she won't have it," she adds after leaning forward a little and lowering her voice. It makes Lise roll her eyes at the blonde.

"I can do that," Kelly nods.

"Then it's a date," Danielle replies with a soft smile.

* * *

She's staring.

Lise knows she is, but she can't stop. She's just standing there, her mouth open, staring at Danielle.

Who ducks her head a little, a blush spreading across her cheeks.

"Sorry," she murmurs and reaches up to rub the back of her neck.

Lise swallows and gives a slight shake of her head.

"It's fine," she finally says, her voice surprisingly high. She frowns and clears her throat. "I just," she starts and takes a step to the side to allow another woman to move past her. "I didn't exactly expect you to say it here."

'Here' being the corner store they've gone to, to pick up some stuff for dinner.

Danielle opens her mouth, but then freezes, her eyes widening in surprise.

"Shit," she mutters and hides her face in her hands for a moment, before her shoulders start to shake. Lise takes a step closer, worried that her girlfriend's started to cry, but then Danielle lowers her hands and she realizes that the blonde is actually laughing. She's laughing. After telling Lise that she loves her.

"I'm sorry," Danielle says and reaches out to take Lise's free hand, ignoring the one currently holding the shopping basket. "I... I didn't realize... I forgot I never said it out loud, before."

Okay, she really has to figure out something else aside from staring, dumbfounded, at Danielle.

"Wait," Lise mutters, searching her face. "You've, thought, this before?"

"Of course," Danielle frowns, sounding almost insulted. "You thought I didn't?"

"I feel like that's a trick question," Lise shakes her head, pretty sure that she doesn't want to answer this particular one. It's not that she's made huge declarations of love, to Danielle, following the first time she ever told her she loves her. But she's said it a couple of times since then. She feels it, every single day. How much she loves her, how in love with her she is.

Danielle's face softens somewhat and she leans in to brush her lips over Lise's in a chaste caress.

"Je t'aime," she murmurs, letting the words linger for a moment before she kisses her again, and finally leans back.

Okay, so hearing her girlfriend tell her she loves her for the very first time in the breakfast cereal aisle may not have been the most romantic thing ever. But it is still absolutely wonderful and makes her heart ache with how full of love Lise feels in that moment.

* * *

Danielle shifts, a loud breath escaping her.

Lise takes a deliberate breath and tilts her head, waiting for her to get settled. They have all the time in the world, really. Or until her phone rings and she's called into work.

"Okay," Danielle finally says, sounding somewhat defeated.

"You remember your safewords?" Lise asks, just to make sure.

"Yes," the blonde nods. "Yellow to tell you to go slow, you're testing my limits. Red to stop immediately," she lists when Lise raises an eyebrow at her.

"Thank you," Lise smiles and leans in for a kiss. "You can use them at any time, no matter what I do," she reminds her softly.

"I know," Danielle murmurs against her lips.

To be honest, Lise is still both happy and sceptical, that she's agreed to this. It did take some persuasion, on Lise's part, but in the end, Danielle had given in sooner than she'd expected. Though she is making a good show of basically doing it to get Lise to stop bringing it up.

Right now, Danielle is only wearing a bra, nothing else, while Lise is in a tank top and shorts. She's not going to be losing any more clothing, herself, though she is more than happy to take Danielle's bra off for her, if she decides she wants it gone. Anything to get her girlfriend off, tonight.

It's not that they haven't been making love. They have, and Lise enjoyed it immensely. Tonight, however, isn't about her. It's all about giving Danielle pleasure, of exploring her body, together. Sort of. Lise will do the physical exploring. She'd suggested masturbation, but the blonde had been absolutely against it with Lise watching her.

Truth be told, Lise has the sneaking suspicion that Danielle had a conversation about this, with her therapist. That that's the reason why she ended up agreeing to this, experiment.

Danielle is usually pretty quick, to stop Lise from any attempt of mutual pleasuring when she finds she's not getting an erection. She's still enthusiastic about touching Lise and pleasuring her, but she won't let Lise do anything to herself in return, and it keeps bugging her immensely. Enough that she ended up on the internet, looking up a couple of things. Not about how she could get Danielle hard, she understands that it's not as easy as that. But she didn't think that failing to achieve an erection was the end-all to any kind of pleasure the blonde could get, and apparently, people on the internet with the same anatomy as her girlfriend agree with Lise.

She adores the little noises Danielle makes, when she touches her. When she kisses her deeply and runs her hands over her naked sides, gently tracing her nails over her skin. Loves how her breath hitches and her back arches just a bit, when Lise palms her breasts through her bra.

"You want it off?" she asks her, and Danielle swallows loudly, before she shakes her head no.

"Too exposed," she tells her, her voice husky. Lise did turn off the lights. It was one of the requirements, for this. That, and safewords, and doing this at Danielle's place, on fresh bed sheets. Lise picked up some stuff, for after care, as well. A very fluffy bathrobe, and a vanilla candle, and Danielle's favorite tea.

"Okay," Lise murmurs softly and leans back, slowly trailing her hands over her girlfriend's body, noting the tension in her muscles, noting when she moves into the touch, or seems to lean away from it.

She keeps lazily trailing her hands over her body for a while, alternating pressure and movements, repeating things that make Danielle's breath hitch, that make her let out soft moans of pleasure.

"Can I touch you?" Lise asks her, after a while. Waits, patiently, for permission, or denial of it.

They've tried this before, once. Danielle had ended up pulling back right in that moment, hadn't wanted Lise to touch her genitals and thrown a 'red' at her, ending any further physical intimacy for the night.

This time, Danielle lets out a shuddering breath and whispers a soft 'yes'. Lise thinks she sees her close her eyes. She places her hands on Danielle's hip bones, gently, and strokes the soft skin, before she slowly, softly, trails her fingertips to the juncture of Danielle's thighs.

She hears her draw a sharp breath at the contact.

"Sorry," Lise murmurs and trails her hands back up. Traces idle patterns against Danielle's skin for a moment, before she slowly makes the journey back south. She feels her tense beneath her hands, but there's only the briefest hitch in her breathing this time.

"I'll get some lube, alright?" Lise tells her and removes her hands, picking up the bottle she placed on the nightstand. She pours some into her hand, allowing it to warm for a moment, before she returns her hands to Danielle's body.

Gradually, she feels Danielle relax beneath her ministrations, before she starts to grow tense again, her breaths growing shorter, turning into pants interspersed with moans of pleasure.

Lise leans down and begins to trail kisses over Danielle's body, her hands mapping out her path.

"Yellow," Danielle breathes, and note of panic creeping into her voice, when Lise presses a kiss to her left hip bone. "Yellow, yellow, yellow!"

She feels Danielle's hand in her hair for a moment, and pulls away, her thumbs stroking over the skin of Danielle's thighs.

"I hear you," Lise tells her softly. Pulls back and rests her hand on Danielle's stomach. "You want me to stop?" she asks her, watching her intently. Danielle shakes her head no, watching Lise with wide eyes.

"I need a moment," she requests, a shudder running through her and she reaches up to throw her arm over her eyes, hiding for a moment.

Lise takes her other hand and entwines their fingers, just to let her know she's still here, waiting for her to calm down. She remembers the hard no that Danielle gave for oral sex. She wasn't going to do anything of the sort, truly not. But telling her now wouldn't do anything, besides name what had made Danielle panic in the first place, and Lise thinks that would only make her pull back entirely. She still hasn't figured out where the no comes from. If it's a general thing she's never liked, or if something happened. It doesn't matter, Lise isn't going to push at the boundary either way, she doesn't need a reason for it to respect it. But much like her history of a partner making her feel dysphoric, it feels like it would be beneficial to know if Danielle had a bad experience around that sexual practice.

"I, think I'm okay," Danielle says, after a while. Lise slowly reaches out and touches her arm, waiting for her to pull it away. Leans in to kiss her gently.

"I love you," she tells her softly. "We can stop right now," she reminds Danielle, who strokes Lise's cheek as she slowly shakes her head no.

"I want to continue," she replies. "It felt, good, before," she murmurs and pulls her into a gentle kiss. "I liked what you did, with your hands."

"Yes?" Lise mutters and feels her nod. She slowly kisses Danielle, starting to trail her hands over her body again. Picks up the lube and puts some on her hands, before she reaches between Danielle's legs carefully.

Her girlfriend didn't touch her, before. Danielle hadn't reached for her, aside from pulling her face away earlier. She'd chosen to keep her hands at her sides, twisting her fingers into the sheets. Now, Lise feels Danielle's hand touching her arm, feels the other settle on her hip. It makes her slow down a little, waiting to see if Danielle wants her to stop, or needs something else from her.

The blonde does reach out and cradles her face, pulling Lise back into a kiss. As she does, her hips roll into the touch of Lise's hand and she swears she hears Danielle's breath catch in her throat. It makes her smile against her girlfriend's lips, and Lise decides to lay down next to her, so they can keep kissing while Lise has her hands free to keep pleasuring Danielle.

She can tell when the movements of her hips are becoming more erratic. Danielle's breath quickens, she breaks their kisses for soft panting, her eyes screwed shut as she rests her forehead against Lise's.

"Don't stop," she pleads, the hand that's been resting on Lise's hip tightening its hold on her.

"I won't," she replies and gives a squeeze, drawing a loud moan from her girlfriend. "Close?" she asks her, and feels Danielle nod mutely before she captures her lips again in a needy kiss.

"Lise," Danielle breathes after a few moments, a familiar edge to her voice.

"It's okay," Lise murmurs and kisses her. "I'm here. Let go, mon coeur."

It takes two more strokes, before Danielle's hips snap forward and she lets out a loud moan, burying her face in Lise's neck as her orgasm washes over her.

Lise slowly lets go of her girlfriend's parts and wraps her arms around her, holding her gently as she slowly comes down from her high.

"How are you feeling?" she asks her softly after a while, when she thinks that Danielle's come back around enough to be able to maybe form a coherent sentence.

"Boneless," she replies, a soft chuckle leaving her after. "I don't think I ever came this hard," she breathes, sounding mesmerized and drawing a soft laugh from Lise.

"Glad it worked," she murmurs and drops a kiss to her cheek. "I'm going to slowly let go, okay?"

"Not yet," Danielle protests softly, the hold she has on Lise tightening. Lise relaxes back against her, giving her more time to calm down.

"Just grabbing a blanket, I'm not going anywhere," she promises when she feels Danielle's hold finally let up. Sits up and pulls over the soft blanket to cover them both before she lays back down, snuggling up to Danielle.

"I love you," Lise whispers and brushes her lips over the blonde's, drawing a soft and exhausted hum from her.

"You, too," she mumbles, her eyes drifting closed before she jerks and opens them wide again.

"It's okay," Lise tells her. "You can go to sleep."

"Shower," Danielle protests, pulling a face. It makes Lise tilt her head at her as she searches her face.

"I've got some wipes. I can clean you up, would that be enough?" she offers. Danielle seems to hesitate, before she shakes her head no.

"Sorry," she murmurs and brushes her lips over Lise's. "It's not that I don't appreciate the offer."

"I know," Lise shakes her head. "It's fine," she tells her with a soft, understanding smile. She doesn't take it personally, or as Danielle wanting to wash her off, when she showers after they've had sex. She doesn't always do it, but when she does, it's because she's not feeling too great and borderline dysphoric. Sometimes wipes are enough, sometimes it doesn't bother her at all. Other times, it makes Danielle incredibly uncomfortable, to deal with the result of her orgasm, and Lise hasn't yet figured out a good predictor for when that will be the case, or what she can do to help. Showering together seems to be taking her mind off it and make it easier to deal with, but if that were the case, Danielle would have invited her to join her.

It's one of the rules they have. Lise leaves her alone in the bathroom, doesn't knock, doesn't interrupt or stick her head in. If Danielle feels like she can deal with Lise around when she takes a shower, she tells her. Invites her to join her. When she doesn't, it's the signal to leave her alone and give her some space and time and privacy. It's easy enough to accept.

Danielle slowly sits and gets out of bed, keeping a hand over her genitals.

"Hey," Lise calls her attention and the blonde pauses, her back turned. "You want me to fix you some food? Something to drink?" she asks her, twisting her hand into the bedsheets, so she doesn't reach for Danielle and touches her.

"Some of that tea would be nice," the blonde nods before disappearing into the bathroom. Lise isn't the least bit surprised, when she hears the soft click of the lock. She closes her eyes for a moment and takes a few deliberate breaths. When she gets out of bed, she hears the shower start to run.

When she returns to the bedroom, two mugs of steaming tea in her hands, she finds Danielle clad in the fluffy bathrobe, towelling off her hair.

"Thank you," she murmurs and lowers the towel. Sits down on the bed and cradles the steaming mug of tea in her hands.

"This smells wonderful," she says, taking a careful sip. Lise still sees her grimace in pain and shakes her head at her girlfriend.

"Burned your tongue?" she asks in sympathy.

"Yeah," Danielle admits, sheepishly ducking her head. "But it was worth it," she adds with a shrug. "Thank you, again," she whispers. "Not just for the tea. I mean, everything you did, tonight..."

"We don't have to talk about this, right now," Lise shakes her head slightly as she sits down herself on the bed.

"No, I'm fine," Danielle tells her. Draws a slow breath and gently blows on her tea. "But I, might need some time. Before I let you do this, again," she says after a pause.

"I understand that," Lise nods. Takes a careful sip of her own tea, a hum leaving her at the taste. "It just... It, bothers me," she admits. "How many times, when we're intimate with each other, it only seems to be about me getting off."

"You've said that before," Danielle nods. Takes a few sips of her own drink, a contemplative expression on her face. "I'm, trying," she says. "I love making love to you, I do. It just, sometimes, it's difficult. When I was living as a boy, it was like this message, you have to have a hard-on, in order to have sex. Somewhere down the line, when I was really struggling with a lot with bottom dysphoria, to the point where being with someone was basically impossible, I made this kind of deal, with myself. It's not a part of me, it's a tool, tools can get used to give people pleasure. I'm fine with being touched when I'm kind of hard, because I associate that, with having sex, with giving pleasure. But when I'm not having an erection, that doesn't, justify, it getting touched."

"I don't think I get it," Lise admits. "I hear what you're saying, and I respect that," she adds, after hearing Danielle let out a sigh of frustration. "It just, doesn't make sense to me, I guess," she shrugs. "I understand that it's your body, your relationship with it. I'm not trying to invalidate it, truly not. But..."

"You think it's bullshit," Danielle finishes for her.

"Kind of," Lise confirms. "I'm sorry," she apologizes. "I guess it just reminds me too much of a, quid-pro-quo sort of thinking?" she tries. "Like, you feel as if you don't deserve pleasure when you won't immediately return it to your partner. And quite honestly, love, that is the worst kind of bullshit I have ever heard."

Danielle lets out a soft snort and shakes her head, before she sobers drastically.

"I don't know if you were joking," she mutters, "but that is basically the point. It's a lot deeper than sexual pleasure, and my therapist and I are working on it, trust me. But in essence, you hit the nail on the head."

Lise finds herself drawing a deep breath. Lets it out slowly as she tries to find something to say.

"I love you," she finally murmurs and watches, as Danielle's lips twitch into a soft smile.

"I know," the blonde replies and leans in to kiss her cheek, the touch lingering for a moment, before she pulls back. "And I want you to know that, this isn't because of anything you've done. It's the result of growing up the way I did. I'm trying to, get over it, to see myself differently. But it's taking some time."

"I'm sorry this happened to you," Lise tells her with a slight shake of her head.

"Me, too," Danielle nods. "You know, sometimes, I think about, what kind of mother I'd be," she admits, her brows furrowing as she stares into her tea. "Not dependant on our relationship. Just, stuff that keeps popping into my head, at times. And I'm starting to realize that, honestly, there's only one thing I'd want to do, as a mother."

"And what would that be?"

"I want my children to have a childhood that they don't have to recover from," Danielle breathes and Lise reaches out to wrap her arm around her shoulder. Leans in to rest her forehead against the blonde's temple.

"I want that, too," she whispers and kisses the skin gently, holding onto Danielle.

* * *

"That is new."

Lise looks over to see Cardinal's brows furrowing slightly as he looks at her neck. She reaches up and touches the silver pendant resting at the base of her throat.

Danielle gave it to her a few days ago. It's a silver medallion, depicting the archangel Michael, kneeling down with his sword in front of him, his wings unfolded.

Michael, the patron saint of police officers.

On the back of it, is a French prayer.

"Yes," she nods, lowering her hand again. Tries to go back, to scouring the paperwork on their case for any leads. But she still feels his eyes on her, feels him still watching her.

"What?" she asks after a moment and lowers the paper she's been trying to read. Cardinal gives a light shake of his head and looks down at his notepad.

"Nothing," he says. Picks up a witness statement and scans it. "Just didn't peg you for one of those Catholics."

Lise can't help herself, she rolls her eyes at him for that comment.

"I'm not," she says. Hesitates, for a moment, before adding, "It was a gift."

"Ah," Cardinal hums. Returns to his work as Lise purses her lips, wondering yet again, why she is actually wearing the necklace.

It is kind of pretty, she has to admit. But as she's just told Cardinal, she isn't one of the Catholics that believes in the this sort of stuff. Well, to be fair, she isn't entirely sure if she agrees with being called 'Catholic' in general. Christian, that's a different thing. But honestly, with everything that's been happening in the Catholic Church, Lise often finds herself very much at odds with what the leaders of her supposed Church demand from her and what she feels are morally justified decisions regarding her own life and lifestyle.

Between the two of them, she doesn't doubt for a moment that Danielle is very much a stronger believer than Lise herself is. The blonde regularly attends service, goes to Church and even went to Confession once. Lise doesn't usually come with her. Work gets in the way, and most of the time, she prefers sleeping in on Sundays.

Danielle gave her the necklace a couple of days ago. She'd been nervous, the entire evening, and Lise had been starting to think that she did something wrong, until the blonde had gotten out the little gift. A small jewelry box, with the silver medallion sitting on a cushion of dark velvet.

She doesn't really believe, in patron saints, herself. Lise thinks that the idea of someone spending their afterlife watching over everyone of a particular profession is a rather ridiculous one. And she's almost sure that Danielle doesn't believe it, either.

But the point is, she'd seen the pendant, and thought of Lise. That night, when she gave it to her, it was the first time Lise heard Danielle admit that her job scares the blonde, sometimes. That she worries, about her.

So Lise, she's not wearing this so an archangel will protect her. She's wearing it because it's a tangible reminder of how much Danielle cares about her.

"Kelly... she liked Danielle," Cardinal suddenly says, his brows furrowing. "Seemed like she had a good time, with you two."

"We had a lot of fun with her, too," Lise nods. Hears her partner let out a non-committal sound.

"You two serious?" he suddenly asks. Lise looks up sharply, her eyes widening before her brows dip.

"I'm sorry?" she asks, frowning.

"Just, I thought you said you were over relationships for a while," the man shrugs.

Lise lets out a soft sigh and pinches the bridge of her nose. She kind of said that, after Josh and her broke up. When she accepted that their marriage was truly finished and that there was really no way to salvage it.

She hadn't started going out with the intention of finding a long-term partner. Hasn't started dating Danielle for that, either. She'd been attracted to her, and pulled in by her personality. That it got so serious, it was a complete accident and something Lise hadn't known, going into this.

"I was," she allows. "But... She's, different," Lise says with a soft sigh.

They've been going out for almost nine months, now. It's long ago left the 'casual and easy' realm, if it ever was in that. Maybe because they're older, maybe because their circumstances are kind of unique. Or maybe it's just because they're being pulled towards each other so strongly.

She didn't use to believe in soulmates. Isn't sure if she does, now. But she also knows that she's never fallen for anyone else so fast and hard as she has for Danielle. She's wonderful, and Lise loves her, loves her so much she cannot put it into words. Any feelings she had, for Josh, at the height of their relationship, they never came close to the magnitude of feelings she has for Danielle.

"I didn't mean to put you on the spot," Cardinal says. "It's your business."

Lise nods mutely, but watches him. He seems to be thinking, mulling something over.

"But, for what it's worth, you seem, happy," her partner tells her, his brows dipping. "I mean, I don't particularly like that you don't get to scenes as fast, anymore," he adds with a grin. "But I think it's good you found someone you can share this stuff with."

She swallows, hard, and inclines her head.

"What about you?" she finds herself asking. Watches Cardinal with interest. He hasn't said anything, about seeing someone. There was a reporter she'd seen flirting with him, but Cardinal hadn't seemed very interested. Or at all. Though maybe that had been the woman herself, and not a general thing.

"What about me?" he throws back at her and Lise gives a slight shake of her head.

"Are you, happy?" Lise says, searching his face. Cardinal gives a noncommittal shrug.

"Sure," he replies and Lise has to bite back a sigh.

"It's your business," she tells him. "But I don't think Catherine would have wanted you to be alone."

Cardinal's brows dip slightly and he looks away, his throat working. She has to bite back the urge to apologize to him, for that comment. It feels so much like she just overstepped, that she shouldn't have commented on this at all.

"Kelly, she's said something along those lines," he surprises her by saying. Lise tilts her head as Cardinal frowns.

"I don't know," he shrugs. "Maybe it's too soon. I tried, the, dating thing. Wasn't very successful."

Her eyes widen in surprise when he says that. That he went out with someone, at all. Not that he wasn't successful. Okay, that is somewhat of a surprise, as well. He has a quiet intensity that she supposes a couple of women would find very attractive. And honestly, he's not bad-looking. Has very kind eyes.

"Don't think a relationship is what I want, right now," he says, giving a little nod. Lise finds herself mimicking the gesture.

"Alright," she nods. "As long as you're not shutting yourself away because you feel like you have to."

"I don't," Cardinal shakes his head, and Lise finds herself giving him a relieved smile.

"Good," she replies and lets out a sigh as she looks back at the mess that is their paperwork and this case.

* * *

The thing is this: Lise's parents are kind of, struggling, with the bisexuality thing. She's only ever introduced them to male partners, so maybe, this is in partly on her. Well, there was one girl, at college, that they met, but that had been during a surprise visit, and under other circumstances, Lise wouldn't have introduced them to Megan.

She knows they're not happy, about the divorce. Knows that her mother, especially, is still rather upset about the whole thing. She liked Josh, a lot. And Lise does feel sorry that they lost their son-in-law, because even if her parents would have wanted to keep in contact, she knows that her ex-husband wasn't interested in any reminder of this marriage, whatsoever.

That Danielle is a woman is making things even harder, Lise thinks. Not that she'd ever mention that, to her girlfriend. But she has the sneaking suspicion that, if she were dating a guy right now, her parents wouldn't have been half as flustered.

She told her parents, about Danielle, almost an entire month before she agreed to dinner with them. She wants them to be as close to normal as they are going to be, as close to welcoming and accepting as it is possible. Under no circumstances does she want her parents to take out their confusion about Lise's sexuality on her current partner. Danielle deserves so much better than that.

They've talked, about telling her parents that Danielle is trans. Lise hadn't seen an issue with not telling them, and had found that Danielle seemed relieved, about that. It's not something her parents need to know, and honestly, she never introduced any previous partner with saying they're cis, so it doesn't strike her as something that's necessary. She gets that there may come a time, when her parents will either find out, or they'll tell them, but right now, it's not information that concerns them, at all.

Danielle looks absolutely stunning, in the dark turquoise dress she's wearing. It makes Lise wonder, if perhaps she should have put something else on, aside from one of her suits, for work. She hadn't known her girlfriend would dress up like this. Okay, she could have guessed. Danielle had been so nervous, for the past few days, so worried, about what Lise's parents would think of her, how they were going to react.

It's funny. How Danielle and her often end up speaking English, most of the time. She almost forgets, that Danielle speaks French, that it's actually her first language. Most of the time, they start their mornings in French, switching to English when their brains are waking up and the outside world creeps in via radio or TV. When they see each other again, in the evening, they keep conversing in English, instead of going back to French.

Danielle speaking French helps, though, with Lise's parents. Because Josh, he had barely been able to tell someone his own name and ask if they speak English, despite having been married to her for years. Lise's parents had never liked that particular aspect of him. But Lise can tell, as soon as her mother detects the soft French accent in Danielle's English, and her eyes light up with pleasant surprise and she switches to French automatically. Her father doesn't even attempt English, he just sticks to French, and Danielle replies without missing a beat.

"Maman, let her breathe," Lise shakes her head when her mother keeps interrogating Danielle about her work.

"Eat your dinner, dear," her mother frowns at Lise and Danielle lets out a snort of amusement.

"I'm sorry," she apologizes at the older woman's surprised look, a blush coloring her cheeks.

"It's fine," Lise laughs softly, nudging Danielle's leg beneath the table. She hates sitting opposite her. Would love to be able to hold her hand, give her gentle squeezes of reassurance and tell her that she's doing just great.

"How does someone from the big city end up in Algonquin Bay?" Lise's father frowns. "I mean, we usually get the opposite here. Young people tend to leave, instead of migrating here."

"Actually," Danielle says, her brows twitching. "My grandparents lived here. My father, he was born here. They moved to Montreal when he was like, two years old."

"Really?" Lise asks, surprised. Danielle nods, a sheepish look crossing her face. "You never told me about that."

"It didn't seem important," Danielle replies, tilting her head a little. "We weren't, close, my grandparents and I. But I kind of wanted to know, where they came from, so I visited one day, and I guess I fell in love with the town. It's so quiet and peaceful up here in the winter..." she trails off. "I think it was what I needed, in a way. Moving here, it had a certain feeling of, coming home."

"Your mother is French, as well?" Lise's mother asks, prompting the blonde to nod.

"Yes. Both of them are," Danielle confirms. "It's strange, I don't think I've spoken exclusively French for this long in, months," she shakes her head with a soft smile.

"You don't speak French?" Lise's mother frowns at her daughter, and Lise lets out a soft sigh.

"Sometimes," she answers vaguely. "We both work jobs among the English population, it sometimes feels strange, switching back after work," she tries to explain. She likes speaking French. Considers being Franco an important part of her identity, of her place in this country, as its citizen. But it doesn't have an impact on her dating, or her choice of romantic partners. Josh barely spoke a word of French, and she married him, so clearly, it is not as important to Lise as it is to her parents.

"I thought you'd appreciate being able to speak your own language at home, now," the older woman remarks and Lise rolls her eyes at the comment.

"Ex-husband, he didn't speak French," she explains to Danielle, who nods.

"Ah, okay," she mutters. "You know, that does explain why it's difficult, to switch back for both of us," she offers. "You're used to speaking English at home, have been for years. People I've dated, they understood French well enough, but didn't speak much of it, so we always defaulted to English."

"I didn't think of it that way," Lise admits, intrigued by Danielle's thought. That it might actually be something she has to get used to again, after years of not doing it.

"Though, in our defense, we watch French TV," Danielle jokes, causing Lise's mother to give a slight shake of her head, but Lise can see her lips tug up in a brief smile.

It seems like her parents actually like Danielle. Which is a huge relief. She'd have continued dating her, of course. She's in love with her. But finding that her parents are at least being nice to her partner, it feels, nice. She'd been really worried, of this evening ending badly, and to find it going smoothly, it's a relief.

* * *

"Any thoughts?" Lise asks as she tilts her head. Danielle lets out a long breath and reaches up to brush her hair behind her ear.

"I don't know," she finally says. "I mean, it's your body, obviously. If you want to do it, I say go for it."

"But?" Lise prompts her. Watches, as Danielle frowns at the information leaflet her GYN gave Lise.

"I thought you wanted off the pill, in part because it's hormonal birth control. This is hormonal, too," she points out.

"I know," Lise sighs and leans back on her couch. "But it gets rid of me having to take something every single day."

"There is that," Danielle nods. "Also, it's one hormone. You're taking a combination pill, right?"

"Yeah," Lise confirms. It's, strange. To have this conversation, with Danielle. Maybe because it is so different, from the one she had with Josh. Where he basically decided that she was going to go off birth control and they would try for a child immediately. The purpose of this talk, however, is to make sure Lise doesn't accidentally get pregnant. Which there is still a chance of, even if Danielle is taking hormones. Not as much of it, but even small odds can come true, and Lise really isn't ready for a child at this point in her life.

She doesn't want an IUD. Has always been strangely uncomfortable with that idea, so they're out. Neither patch nor depo shot particularly appeal to her, either. The implant seems to be the most reliable and long-term solution, really.

The other option is a diaphragm. It's not hormonal birth control, but they'd have to remember using it every single time they have sex. Which doesn't sound like a big deal, but Danielle and her, what starts as one kiss tends to escalate, sometimes rather quickly. And part of Lise hates the thought of interrupting what so far has been a very, organic, go-with-the-flow sort of thing between the two of them.

"You'd be fine, with an implant?" Lise asks, searching Danielle's face.

"Your body, your decision," her girlfriend reminds her. "I honestly don't care. Much," she adds, her brows creasing. "I know we haven't really considered them, but, female condoms-"

"No," Lise shakes her head. "I tried those, before. They didn't work, for me," she tells Danielle. "Also, I found them rather, obnoxious. You can definitely tell they're there."

"Is that a bad thing?" the blonde asks. "It wouldn't bother me."

"It bothered me," Lise insists. Takes a breath and lets it out. "Am I, missing something?" she asks. "I mean, aside from implants and diaphragms, is there something else I'm not seeing?"

"Abstinence," Danielle shrugs. "What?" she asks at Lise's look. "We did it before," she reminds her. "Fertility awareness is a thing, you know."

"Yes, I am aware," Lise replies. Rests her elbow on the back of her couch and puts her face on her hand.

"Maybe an implant would be, overkill," Danielle cautions. "I mean, the way we usually make love, that's also lowering the chance of conception. Maybe this is, shooting at mosquitos with a rocket-launcher."

Lise lets out a laugh at that image, before she sobers.

"We do have penetrative sex, though," she points out. Granted, it is not always. It's not what either one of them finds most pleasurable, though Lise has to admit, the first time it happened, it was very special. But it's not their favorite way of making love. She could live without it, but the risk of pregnancy isn't eliminated by that. There is still the chance of semen getting into her by chance or accident, and she'd rather be safe than sorry.

"We do," Danielle agrees, a blush coloring her cheeks. "Look," she starts, with a slight shake of her head. "You don't have to make any decision, right now. If you want to know my thoughts, just based on you not particularly liking hormonal birth control, maybe the diaphragm would be the better option. But honestly, either sounds completely fine, to me. It's your body, your choice, and I will support any of them."

"Thank you," Lise inclines her head. "I appreciate being able to have this conversation, with you," she tells Danielle, who brightens visibly.

"I'm glad we are having it," the blonde replies. "And I wish condoms were a viable option, and this wasn't on you as much as it is," she adds, her brows creasing.

Lise gives a slight shrug.

"It's fine," she tells her. Draws a slow breath, thinking, for a moment. "To be honest, I think I'm more leaning towards the implant. As strange as it may seem, the fact that it's a lot more effective and doesn't involve any hassle is actually winning me over."

"Oh, okay," Danielle nods. "That sounds, logical," she allows.

"Wanna have sex?" Lise asks her, causing Danielle to let out a surprised laugh.

"What?" she shakes her head at Lise, who shrugs.

"I mean, we have been talking about birth control for a while, so..." she trails off, her lips tugging into a smile. Danielle watches her before giving an exasperated breath.

"You're impossible," she tells her, but still leans in for a soft kiss.

"Hm, but you love me," Lise points out. Feels Danielle cradle her face, her thumbs gently stroking over her cheeks.

"That I do," she nods. "Very much so, actually," she adds before capturing her lips again.

* * *

Danielle is running her hand through Lise's hair, gently massaging her scalp as she goes.

It makes her let out an appreciative humm and close her eyes.

"You okay?" the blonde whispers in an attempt to not disturb the mood. Lise gives a mute nod.

They're in her bed, Danielle lying on her back, with Lise snuggled up against her side, her head resting on Danielle's chest. It's one of her favorite positions, she's come to find. To just be so close, to Danielle. To have her stroke her back, or run her hand through Lise's hair, as she has a leg and arm thrown over Danielle's body.

"Tired?" Danielle murmurs.

"No," Lise replies softly. "But if you keep doing this, I might end up falling asleep," she admits. "It's very, soothing. Relaxing," she adds.

Feels Danielle move a little and then her lips touch the crown of Lise's head, making her melt further into her.

"Je t'aime," Danielle whispers and Lise hides her face against her chest, for a moment.

"Je t'aime aussi," she replies and moves a little, to be able to kiss Danielle.

She absolutely loves these cuddle and snuggle sessions. It's so soft, and intimate, and seemingly effortless. Makes her so happy, that Danielle is generally very affectionate, and likes soft touches as much as Lise does. They keep holding hands just because they can. Lise loves falling asleep spooning Danielle, loves resting her forehead against the other woman's spine and having her arm wrapped around her middle. Adores stroking Danielle's cheek, or carefully running a hand through her curls.

"How was work?" she asks her when she settles against the blonde again.

"Good," Danielle replies. "You?"

"Tiring," she admits. "We don't have any major cases, right now, only small stuff, but that involves so much chasing around tiny leads that don't go anywhere."

"Sounds awful," the blonde remarks, her chest moving as she takes a deep breath. "I was wondering," she starts. "That, weekend, in Toronto. Do you still want to do that?"

"Of course," Lise immediately replies. Moves so she can look at Danielle's face as they are talking. "You want to go soon?"

"I'd like to, yes," Danielle nods. Reaches out to touch Lise's cheek. "I think we could use it. Some time off, for you, and time just for the two of us. More than three hours before we fall asleep, I mean," she adds with a slight shrug.

"I have to talk to Dyson," Lise tells her. "Take off a weekend. I don't think this coming one will work, and you said something about a party the next."

"Friends are throwing a housewarming thing. Which you are also invited to, by the way," Danielle tells her. "We could go together, unless you have to work."

"Sure," Lise agrees. Closes her eyes and draws a deep breath. Danielle changed her perfume. It used to be a flowery, fruity smell. Lise could never put any particular scent on it, name an ingredient. Now, whatever it is she's using, it has a strong hint of lemongrass. Maybe some lavender, as well. Lise isn't sure if that's part of the perfume, or if her bed sheets still smell of the lavender room spray Danielle used a couple days ago, when she had a hard time falling asleep.

"You like it?" Danielle asks her, her hand settling at the back of Lise's neck.

"Huh?"

"The perfume," the blonde specifies. "I wasn't sure if maybe the contrast was too much."

"It's alright," Lise tells her. "Just feels a bit, weird. I associate you with the other one, to be honest. Give my brain a bit of time, it'll catch up," she mutters and feels Danielle's chest move with soft laughter.

"It's not permanent," Danielle replies softly. "I just felt like something else, for a bit."

"It's your perfume," Lise frowns. "I feel like you've worn this, before."

"A few times, yeah," Danielle confirms. "I've had it for a while."

Lise lets out a soft humm and feels Danielle shift.

"Ey," she utters in protest and sits up a bit as Danielle leans over to grab her tablet off the nightstand.

"I just want to read for a bit," she tells her. "Unless you want to watch a video?"

"Maybe," Lise allows and settles back down. Watches, as Danielle opens up the Netflix app on her tablet. And is thoroughly surprised to find that her girlfriend has created a second viewer profile, named 'netflix and chill'.

"Are you kidding me?" Lise laughs as Danielle selects that one.

"What?" the blonde asks with laughter in her voice. "You were the one who kept complaining about all the period drama recs on my account."

"Netflix and chill?" she responds. "Isn't that code for 'make out while something plays in the background'?"

"What would you have had me call it, then?" Danielle inquires. "'Lise hates period drama' probably exceeds the character limit."

"I don't hate it. I just don't go crazy over it," she protests. It is kind of cute, how Danielle can react to period drama pieces. Either she's gushing over the costumes, or raving on about historical inaccuracies. The sheer amount of seemingly random facts that Danielle can spout, from weapon smithing to masonry, it's astonishing.

"Everyone needs a hobby," Danielle shrugs. "Documentary?" she suggests and Lise tilts her head a little.

"I'm not really in the mood for that," she admits. "Mindless romance?" she offers and feels Danielle sigh.

"Can we not?" the blonde asks. "Unless we find something with two women."

"Okay," Lise nods. "What was that show, then? With those seven? Eight? People, from all over the world. The Icelandic female DJ, and the Nairobi bus driver."

"Sense8?" Danielle replies, sounding pleasantly surprise. "You want to watch that?"

"I liked the one episode we watched well enough," Lise shrugs. "Seemed like an interesting concept to explore. Plus, I like the Indian scientist."

"So, you want to watch that, or look for something with that actress?" Danielle chuckles, and Lise gives a slight shake of her head.

"No, let's watch Sense8. I wanna know what happens to her character," she decides. "No spoilers!" she quickly adds when she feels Danielle take a breath.

"Alright," the blonde laughs and opens up the search. "Sense8 it is, then," she tells her and selects the show.

* * *

She finds Danielle in the hospital chapel, kneeling with her hands clasped in prayer. Lise hesitates for a moment, before crossing herself, then sits next to her, waiting for Danielle to finish.

"Amen," the blonde murmurs and crosses herself, slowly standing and then sitting down next to Lise.

"He's out of surgery," Lise says and rubs her hands over her thighs, in an attempt to conceal their shaking, and wipe the moisture away.

"Okay," Danielle nods. Closes her eyes, for a moment, and exhales loudly. "Do you want to leave?" she asks Lise. Who swallows, then slowly shakes her head no.

"I'd like to stay. Sit here, for a moment," she replies. Reaches up to pinch the bridge of her nose. It's been five hours, since the canvassing-gone-wrong. Since someone took shots at a handful of uniforms, plus Lise and McLeod.

She's fine. Shaken, but alright. So is McLeod, aside from a cut on his arm, where a ricocheting bullet grazed him. She hit her head when Fox had slammed into her, throwing both of them to the ground. Probably lucky, because Lise hadn't been wearing her vest. Stupid, really, in hindsight, but McLeod hadn't put his on, either, and they weren't looking for a violent criminal to boot. Now she has a lovely bandage that will make her scream when she takes it off. They used those little thin strips, to put the cut back together, and then slapped a bigger bandage on it, to protect the wound. And now half of it is on the skin of her forehead, and the other is in her hair, and Lise will suffer when she tries to take it off.

She probably owes her life to Fox. Not that she'll ever mention that part to Danielle. It's bad enough that something happened, she doesn't need to know how close a call it was.

"You have..." Danielle says and indicates Lise's pants. They were light gray, when she left the house this morning. Now they're dirty and there's dried blood on it. Tremaine's blood. McLeod and her, they did first aid on him, as the rest of the uniforms went after whoever shot at them, once the shots stopped. McLeod had tried to stave the flow of blood, and Lise had tried to talk to him, tried to get Tremaine to hang on...

Shit.

She takes a ragged breath and stares at the dark, rust-colored stain. Another pair of pants she'll throw out. That makes how many, now? Since she started at CID? It's really starting to eat into her budget. She already threw out her jacket, because that's ruined, as well, but she needs the pants to get home. The hospital isn't giving her scrubs to change into, she's asked, they said no.

"Can I tell you," Danielle murmurs and takes her hand. Holds it so tightly it's sending a stab of pain up Lise's arm. "Je t'aime," she breathes. "God, you had me so worried-"

"I'm fine," Lise tells her with a shake of her head. "I have a pretty thick skull."

"That you do," Danielle nods in agreement. Leans in to brush her lips over Lise's cheek gently, before she leans back. They kissed, earlier. Danielle held onto her for dear life for almost five whole minutes, when she first arrived. Lise had wrapped her arms around her and told her over and over again, that she's okay.

This one, it might leave a scar. Not on Lise's forehead. She's not concerned about that. But it might leave one, on Danielle. If she was worried, about Lise's job before, then it'll be so much worse now.

"Are you feeling okay?" Danielle asks her, searching her face. "Physically, I mean," she adds at Lise's look.

"Yes, I'm fine," Lise answers. "Just a cut, and mild concussion, nothing some painkillers won't take care of."

"I understand if you want your privacy," the blonde starts, "but I'd like to stay with you, tonight. I'll take the couch, but you probably shouldn't be alone, with a concussion."

"The doctor said something about that, yes," Lise confirms. Looks down at their hands, Danielle's hold having let up to a normal level now. "And I'd very much like you, to stay with me. I don't want to be alone, tonight."

"Okay," Danielle nods and reaches up, to pull her into a hug, one that Lise returns and hides her face against Danielle's neck. She knows she's trembling, but she can't quite stop.

She's never had anything like this happening when she was in a relationship. Eric Fraser shooting her happened at the same time Josh walked out of their house and marriage. She doesn't quite know how to navigate this, with Danielle. Doesn't know what she wants herself, or needs, from her girlfriend. Lise can't stand the thought of being alone tonight. She doesn't want sex, but she wants to be close, to Danielle. Wants their snuggling, wants to curl up beside her and hopefully fall asleep to blissful nothingness, and not horrible nightmares.

* * *

"Please."

"No," Lise shakes her head. Tries her best to ignore the puppy look Danielle gives her. Emphasis being on 'tries'.

Jesus, she really has it bad, Lise thinks when she lowers the book she's been trying to read for the better part of half an hour.

"It's freezing outside," Lise points out.

"I know," Danielle nods. "But it's the first snow," she argues, her green eyes sparkling with joy and excitement.

"I am so going to regret this, aren't I," Lise sighs and closes her book. Does a double take as Danielle actually claps her hands in childish glee before she pulls her up from the couch and wraps her arms around Lise in a swift motion. Kisses her, hard, momentarily stealing Lise's breath.

"Wow," she murmurs as they part. Finds Danielle's cheeks flushed as the blonde takes a step back.

"Come on, let's get dressed," she says and pulls Lise towards the hallway and the coat rack.

She's right. It is freezing outside. But Danielle, she's right, too, in a way. It's shortly after ten in the evening, the streets are empty. And there's snow lying on the ground, muffling the sounds while crunching beneath their feet.

"I love snow," Danielle says and closes her eyes. Stops and draws a deep breath.

"Okay, I am fine with you dragging me out at this hour, but I draw the line at snow angels," Lise laughs. Manages to cause Danielle to let out a giggle, as well.

"I wasn't going to suggest those," the blonde tells her and hooks her arm through Lise's again as they continue on a short walk. "I did that, in college, actually. Kind of cured me for the rest of my life."

"Oh?" Lise murmurs with interest. Looks at Danielle to find her nodding her head.

"Oh yes. Lots of snow up and down my back. I felt like a popsicle," she pulls a face.

"Oh boy," Lise chuckles. Reaches over, to brush a lock of Danielle's hair out of her face. The blonde gives a slight shake of her head and turns her face into the touch, her eyes closing for a moment.

It's starting to snow, again. Big, huge snowflakes, slowly drifting down from the sky. Maybe Danielle kind of has a bit of a point, Lise thinks. Watching her, with her face slightly upturned, her breath billowing in the cold winter air, the scene does have something almost magical about it.

"Can you skate?" Danielle asks her and Lise finds herself tilting her head slightly at the question.

"Yes," she nods. "Not very well, I suppose," she admits, "but I can manage to stay upright relatively well."

"Would you come ice skating, with me?" the blonde inquires, her voice soft.

"Really?" Lise frowns, searching her face.

"We used to do it, as kids. My grandparents would take my brother and me to the rink. It was fun. I haven't been in a long time. Last winter I just kept putting it off, until it was too late," she shrugs. Lise swallows and reaches out to take her mitten-clad hand into her own as they continue to walk.

"I'd like to do that," she replies. "But only if we do something indoors after. I am not freezing my ass off for an entire day," she adds quickly.

"Oh, I'm sure we'll be able to think of an indoor activity that'll warm us right up," Danielle grins with a waggle of her eyebrows.

* * *

This is new. Lise can feel her heart racing in her chest, arousal coursing through her veins as she gives an experimental tug on her arm. Finds that her wrist is firmly held in place next to her head.

Danielle presses up against her, presses her back against the wall. Lise turns her head and steals a heated kiss, drawing a low moan from the blonde.

"Crisse," she breathes when they break apart. Lise feels her let go of her wrist and quickly wraps her arms around her girlfriend. Cradles the back of her head and pulls her into another kiss, one that makes her see stars, makes her back arch up off the wall and press her groin against Danielle's.

"Please," she pleads, sounding so needy. She is, she is so incredibly horny, right now. Danielle's been teasing her the entire trip to Toronto, stealing kisses and touches, and she's just about to snap.

"Bed?"

"No," Lise shakes her head. "Finish what you started," she challenges her. Sees Danielle's eyes widen in surprise, before she captures Lise's lips again. Nibs at her bottom lip, causing Lise to buck her hips against her.

Lise feels Danielle lean back, feels a hand snake between them. Hears the sound of a zipper being pulled down, feels the button of her pants open. It makes her whimper in anticipation. One of Danielle's hands travels down the outside of her thigh. Danielle moves, crouches a bit, before she presses her hand against the back of Lise's knee. Lifts up her leg and Lise catches on. Wraps her leg around Danielle's hip, a moan leaving her as Danielle's hand slips into her pants.

"You okay?" her girlfriend asks her between kisses and Lise nods quickly, pressing herself up and into the touch.

"More," she requests, her eyes fluttering closed as she rolls her hips. Danielle kisses her again, before she starts trailing kiss along her jaw, down Lise's neck. She feels her teeth against the skin right over her pulse, sending a shockwave through her and straight to her center.

"Dani, please," Lise whimpers, turning her head and capturing the blonde's lips again. "Please, inside. I want you inside me," she breathes against her. Feels Danielle still, before she kisses her hungrily, and Lise can feel a finger slide into her, followed by another, and Danielle starts setting a fast pace that has her moaning out with almost every thrust, her orgasm building fast, dangling just out of reach.

"Je t'aime tellement," Danielle murmurs against her lips and curls her fingers just so and Lise tenses up, her orgasm finally washing over her, blissful release strumming through her.

Danielle holds her up against the wall with her body. Gently cradles Lise's head as she rests her forehead against the blonde's shoulder.

"Sh," she murmurs and carefully pulls her hand away, tearing a mutter of protest from Lise at the loss of contact.

"Are you alright?" Danielle asks her when Lise straightens a little, control returning to her muscles.

"Yeah," she nods and brushes her lips over Danielle's. Reaches up to stroke her cheek. "What got into you?" she asks her. "Not that I don't appreciate it," she quickly adds, "but this isn't like you."

Danielle ducks her head slightly, flushing.

"I wanted you," she answers. "I'm sorry, if I was too rough-"

"You weren't," Lise shakes her head. Gently strokes the skin at the back of Danielle's neck, toying with the soft hair at the nape of it. "You just surprised me. In a pleasant way," she adds at Danielle's uncertain expression.

"So, we're okay?" she asks, her voice trembling slightly. Lise nods and leans in for a soft kiss.

"More than okay," she tells her. "Though I really want to do the same thing to you, now."

"Plenty of time for that," Danielle replies with a shake of her head. "We have the entire weekend here. And I'm in the mood for some exploring."

"Really?" Lise presses, searching Danielle's face, trying to figure out if this is another case of her not wanting to ask for relief, or if she's being completely honest.

"Really," Danielle nods and brushes her nose against Lise's before kissing her again.

"In that case," Lise sighs against her. "I need to clean up."

"Hm," Danielle hums. "On second thought," she starts, perking up. "How about sharing a shower?"

Lise feels her lips tug into a broad grin.

"That does sound like a brilliant idea," she agrees. Slowly lowers her leg to the ground and takes Danielle's hands to pull her into the direction of the bedroom.

* * *

"What are we toasting to?" Lise asks as Danielle hands her a glass of champagne.

"Ontario temporarily waving the fee of changing your gender marker on your birth certificate," her girlfriend declares. Lise tilts her head slightly and clinks her glass against Danielle's before taking a sip.

"Oh, this is nice," she hums in appreciation.

"Thank you," the blonde smiles, leaning against the bar. "I know you're not really one to celebrate stuff like this, but I wanted to acknowledge it."

"It is great for the community," Lise nods. Runs the tip of her index finger along the rim of her glass in deep thought. "It's not that stuff like this doesn't make me happy," she tells Danielle. "It does."

"But?" her girlfriend prompts her.

"I don't know," Lise shrugs. "I think in the past, I didn't do anything aside from taking a moment to smile by myself, because... I felt like, Josh, he, kind of got upset. When I spend too long, dwelling on the subject of my sexuality."

"Prick," Danielle comments humorlessly. Lise looks at her sharply and finds the blonde giving a soft shrug. "What?" she asks. "Being with him, or being with me, that doesn't change that you're bisexual. You get to celebrate every little victory for our community, no matter who you're currently dating. If he can't understand that and makes you feel bad about it, he's a prick."

Lise purses her lips and takes another sip of the champagne. She'd always taken it as an insecurity of his. That he felt like, when she talked about being bisexual, he took it to mean she wasn't happy just with him. That had never been the case, though. She'd loved him. She'd been happy with him, most of the time. Before she was transferred to CID and everything went downhill very fast.

"Does it ever bother you?" she asks, when she sets her glass down on the bar. Turns, to face Danielle.

"What?" the blonde asks, her brows furrowing.

"That I was married. To a man," Lise says. "That I'm not gay. That I'm bisexual."

"Why would that bother me?" Danielle blinks at her.

Lise gives a noncommittal shrug. "I don't know," she frowns. "Some people-"

"Hey, no," Danielle shakes her head. "We're not doing this," she tells her sternly. "We're not repeating what assholes are saying, about your sexuality," she informs Lise. Reaches out to stroke her cheek and Lise closes her eyes for a moment. Turns her face into the touch, soaking up the warmth Danielle's proximity brings.

"You're valid," Danielle tells her as she steps closer. "Your attraction is valid. It doesn't matter what other people think. You know what you feel. You're the one who gets to define who you are. No one else."

"Thank you," Lise murmurs and leans in for a quick, soft kiss.

"I love you," Danielle smiles at her. "No matter how many genders you have the ability to be attracted to, I know that I am your girlfriend. I know you love me. And that fact makes me very, very happy."

It makes Lise swallow thickly. That Danielle doesn't bat an eye at her sexuality. That she's accepting and understanding. Doesn't seem to get jealous, or uncomfortable, when it comes up. It's so strange, having someone who doesn't treat this as a sort of obstacle, something that should never me talked about, but rather an integral, organic part of Lise's identity, of her person.

"What's going on, in your head?" Danielle asks softly. Lise finds herself drawing a slow breath.

"I don't know," she admits. Reaches up to brush her hair behind her ear. "It's... it's strange, sometimes. To have someone who I can talk to this about. You never react negatively, when I comment on someone's looks, no matter what their gender is. That's, new," she tries to explain. "I didn't have that, before. And I'm not entirely sure how to react to it now."

Danielle tilts her head and takes a sip of her drink.

"When I say another woman looks great, or attractive," she starts, her brows furrowing, "does it make you jealous?"

"Not really," Lise shakes her head. "I mean, most of them are celebrities, so they don't pose any 'threat', so to speak," she points out. "When it's someone on the street, someone we know, it's... I notice it," she allows. "Not because I feel jealous, I don't think. Maybe more in a sense of, finding out what you find attractive? What you're attracted to, what draws your attention..." she trails off with a slight shrug.

"Huh," Danielle murmurs. "Any observations, Detective?" she asks, a teasing lilt to her voice. Lise lets out a soft chuckle.

"You seem to be drawn to women your height," she says. "And seem to have a thing for women with dark eyes."

Danielle tilts her head at that.

"I never noticed that," she admits. "But I do love your eyes very much," she adds with a soft smile as she looks at Lise. It makes her blush and lean in for a soft kiss. "But just as you don't get overly upset when I find another woman attractive," Danielle continues after they've parted, "why should I blow a gasket when you do the same?"

"Maybe it's just stereotypes," Lise shrugs. "The idea that bisexuals are greedy and can't be monogamous."

"Your ex made you feel like that?" Danielle asks, tilting her head.

"He did wonder if I'd cheated on him," Lise nods. "With Cardinal," she adds, watching as Danielle's eyes widen.

"Non," she whispers. "Now it makes sense," she mutters, causing Lise to frown at her.

"What makes sense?"

"That you got so, nervous, when I mentioned being jealous of him," Danielle reminds her. "I honestly never thought there was anything between you two. Nor have I ever wondered if you would kiss or sleep with someone else, since we've made the 'girlfriend' thing official."

Lise inclines her head, drawing a slow breath. It is something she thinks about, sometimes. Wonders about, at times. If Danielle will ever think that her close friendship with Cardinal runs deeper than being partners on the force. If she will accuse her of sleeping with him, will assume the same thing Josh did, should they ever hit a really rough patch in their relationship.

She's never done something like that, though. Been tempted, once or twice, yes. But even when she knew that the relationship she was in was on its last leg, she never cheated. Never took someone up on the opportunity to have sex when she was dating someone else already.

Though she thinks that Josh's assumption, it hadn't been because of her sexuality. He'd been explicitly worried about another man that was getting close to her. No, Lise thinks it was more that he sensed she was withholding from him, keeping secrets, and it was the first thing that came to his mind. The first assumption that made any sense. What that says about her ex-husband, she doesn't want to examine too closely.

"You ever... when you were seeing someone, did you ever feel, tempted?" Lise asks, watching Danielle. She tilts her head and runs her fingers over the rim of her glass, thinking.

"Once," she admits. "I wasn't particularly happy, in that relationship. Wasn't getting what I needed, emotionally. We had a mutual friend who was attracted to women. At the time, they presented as female, and I was attracted to them. I knew they thought I was attractive. It was at a party, we both had a few drinks too many... We kissed. I probably would have gone further, if we both hadn't been so drunk just staying upright was a challenge. I never told Anna about it, after. I think she found out a while after we split, I wasn't around for the fallout, thankfully. From what I heard, it wasn't pretty."

"Did you feel guilty?" Lise inquires. The way Danielle told this story, it doesn't sound like she particularly regrets what happened.

"For a while, yes," the blonde nods. "And then I found out that, how shall I put it? I wasn't the only person who shared Anna's bed, while we were together. That took care of the guilt rather effectively," she shrugs. "I'm not saying I would consciously do it to get back at someone," she frowns, "but it put things into perspective. She was flipping her shit when she learned that I had kissed someone else while we were dating. Meanwhile, on my last count, she had sex with four other people. And those weren't one-night stands, either. So yeah. I'm not particularly proud of that moment, but I don't really feel guilty anymore either."

"Huh," Lise mutters. Finds Danielle searching her face.

"Was there a reason, for your question?" she probes gently.

"Not really," Lise shakes her head. "I haven't done anything while still in a relationship. Though I have, admittedly, broken up with someone and then gotten laid that evening, so..." she trails off.

"I'm going to guess that wasn't a particularly wonderful relationship," Danielle says, scrunching up her nose.

"Not really," Lise shakes her head. "Do you know," she starts, swallowing thickly. "You're the first girlfriend I have ever introduced to my parents."

"Really?" Danielle asks, eyebrows rising. Lise nods mutely and takes another sip of her drink.

"What makes me, different?" she inquires, her brows dipping slightly. Lise swallows and tries to find the right words.

"You're you," she ends up saying. "I know it sounds strange, but... There's just something about, you and me. Us. I feel constantly pulled into your direction. My mind is full of you. I wanted them to know you. I wanted them to know this wonderful woman, who makes my heart skip a beat and steals my breath away."

"Cause of death: Danielle Sargeant," Danielle giggles and Lise lets out a soft laugh, before pulling her into a kiss.

"Hm," she hears Danielle humm softly. "Je t'aime," she whispers and Lise feels herself melting.

"I love you, too," she replies and reaches up to stroke Danielle's cheek, basking in their closeness.

* * *

"Sh, hey," Lise murmurs and sinks down onto the tiles of her bathroom floor. Reaches out and gently wraps her arms around Danielle as the blonde continues to shake visibly.

"Hey, sh, it's okay," she tells her and gently brushes her blonde curls from her face. Danielle exhales loudly and reaches up to touch Lise's arm. Holds onto her tightly as fresh sobs begin to leave her.

"Oh darling," Lise breathes and tightens her hold. "What is it? What's wrong, love?" she asks, trying to understand what's gotten into her girlfriend.

She was fine twenty minutes ago. They'd been making out, kissing and touching above their clothes. It had been nice, but neither one of them had been in the mood to go any further. Danielle had said she was going to take a quick shower and go to bed, because she was tired. Lise told her to let her know, when she was done, so she could brush her teeth and clean up before going to bed. She prefers showers in the morning, to wake her up.

She'd gotten worried after not hearing anything from the bathroom for ten minutes. The door had been unlocked, and while Lise usually doesn't try the door, or knocks, as per one of their rules, she'd heard Danielle sob, and just thought it was better, to check on her. She'd found her in front of the tub, shaking, trying to bite back her tears, clad only in her underwear.

"I'm sorry," Danielle breathes, after a while. She's stopped crying. Lise leans back a little and gently tries to wipe some of the tears off her face.

"It's okay," she tells Danielle. "You just, really scared me. What happened?" she asks her, searching Danielle's face. The blonde takes a shuddering breath and clenches her eyes shut.

"I, cut myself," she whispers. "I was trying to shave my legs. I forgot that I just changed the blades and used too much pressure on my knee and-" she trails off, shuddering. Lise looks down and sure enough, there is a trickle of blood, running from the side of Danielle's knee to the outside of her calf, out of sight.

"That's it?" Lise frowns and feels Danielle tense. "Sorry," she apologizes. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that," she murmurs. "I thought it was, something else. I know cuts like that burn like hell-"

"That wasn't it," Danielle shakes her head, a dark look crossing her face. "I... I used to, hurt myself," she confesses. Lise feels her breath catch in her throat as she stares at the other woman in complete shock.

She's known her for months now. A year, actually. She's seen Danielle in various states of dress and undress. She's never seen anything on her body that hinted of a history of self-harm. Danielle has some scars, most notably the one in the fold of her throat. There's a small one on her left ankle from a biking accident, one on her right biceps from a bad fall she took as a child. Nothing prominent, nothing that seems regular and self-inflicted.

"I'm sorry?" Lise stammers.

"I don't want to talk about it, right now," Danielle whispers. "I didn't mean to cut myself earlier, it was an accident. But seeing the blood, feeling the sting, it reminded me, and everything just... I don't want to hurt myself, Lise," she pleads, her eyes brimming with tears.

"Okay," she nods and moves. "Come on, get up. Let's get you out of here," she says and stands, holding her hands out to Danielle. The blonde gets up and grimaces. Lise looks down to see fresh blood well from the cut. Grabs a washcloth and holds it under the water for a second, before pressing it against the blonde's knee. Danielle draws a sharp breath, reaching out to steady herself against the sink.

"Can you hold it?" Lise asks her and Danielle nods, reaching down and pressing the cloth against her knee as she follows Lise to her living room and couch.

"I'll just get the first aid kit, I'll be right back," she tells Danielle when the blonde has sat down. Bends down for a moment, to brush her lips over her forehead, and runs to grab the first aid kit from the kitchen cupboard, as well as some paper towels.

When she returns, she finds Danielle staring at the dried blood on her leg. Lise draws a deep breath and sits down on the couch table, so she can check Danielle's injury.

"I can't look," Danielle murmurs, avoiding Lise's eyes. "When you take it off... I can't, see this."

"It's alright," Lise tells her. "I'll tell you what I do, okay? You let me know if anything hurts."

"Okay," Danielle agrees softly and closes her eyes. Lise slowly takes hold of the washcloth and tells Danielle to let go of it. When she pulls it away, Danielle flinches and Lise bites back a hiss at the sight of the cut. It's not too bad. Not very deep, or long, really. Just in a bad spot, right on the outside of Danielle's patella. It'll probably sting every time she moves, and re-open a couple of times. Of all the places to get cut...

"I'll put some disinfectant on it, okay?" Lise tells her. Gets the small spray from the first aid kit and aims it at the cut. "This will sting."

"Do it," Danielle nods, holding onto the edge of the couch. She lets out a pained hiss when the spray hits her skin. Lise takes some sterile gauze and gently dabs at the cut, cleaning it.

"I'm sorry," she murmurs when Danielle tenses and pulls her leg away for a moment.

"It's fine," the blonde breathes. "That just really, hurt."

Lise takes her time cleaning the cut and letting it dry before she puts a bandage on it. Frowns at the white surface.

"How are you," she asks Danielle, "with it possibly seeping through the bandage?"

Danielle takes a shuddering breath and slowly opens her eyes. "That should be fine," she says and frowns at Lise's work.

"Thank you," she murmurs and grabs the washcloth from the table to clean up her leg a bit. Lise watches her work for a moment before she begins to clean up what she used to take care of Danielle's cut. When she returns from the kitchen, having tossed the soiled things and washed her hands, she finds Danielle getting up from the couch.

"I'm going to wash my hands," she tells Lise. "And soak this," she adds, motioning with the washcloth.

"Are you okay doing that?" she asks her, watching Danielle's face. "I can do it, it's no problem."

"I know," Danielle nods. "But my hands won't clean themselves. I'll leave the door open, it'll be okay."

Lise swallows before nodding. She's on edge, the whole time Danielle is gone. When she finally returns from the bathroom, Lise finds herself breathing a sigh of relief.

"Come here," she mutters and wraps her arms around Danielle. Hugs her tightly and hides her face in the crook of Danielle's neck, soaking in her proximity. It takes Danielle a moment to relax and returns the hug.

"I don't want to talk about it," Danielle whispers and Lise finds herself swallowing, hard.

"Okay," she replies and leans back a little, to be able to look at Danielle. "I love you," she tells her. "And I'm here. If you change your mind, if you want to talk, about this, or something else. I'm here, and I will listen to whatever it is."

Danielle swallows and slowly nods.

"Thanks," she mutters and touches her forehead to Lise's for a moment. "Can we just, go to bed? Cuddle, and watch something mindless?"

"If that's what will help," Lise nods.

"It will," Danielle admits. "I just, I need to turn of my brain, right now. It's still going in circles, and that's... not pretty."

"Let me just grab my tablet, alright," Lise murmurs and brushes her lips over Danielle's cheek before letting go of her to fetch her tablet and take Danielle to the bedroom.

* * *

"Do you, want to talk about it?"

Danielle's voice is soft as she watches Lise's face.

She finds herself frowning and takes a slow breath.

"I don't know," she replies after a few moment. "It was, a lot," she admits and rubs a hand over her face.

Seeing Danielle's therapist was a good idea. Lise believes that. It helped clear up some things, helped her understand what happened a few days ago.

But it was also a lot. She'd never expected something like this, not from Danielle. The blonde doesn't have any scars from what she did, during her childhood and teenage years. There are no obvious marks on her body, and Lise never saw anything in the time they've been together that made her suspect Danielle struggled with hurting herself.

As far as Danielle's therapist is aware, Danielle hasn't hurt herself on purpose during the time she's known Lise. She's come close, Danielle admitted as much, but never ended up doing it.

It, worries her. Thats she had no idea this was going on in the other woman's head. That this is something Danielle managed to hide so thoroughly from her.

Not that she thinks Danielle set out to deceive her, or that Lise believes that this is anything like someone outright lying about something. She gets that her girlfriend's mental health, it's her own business. Danielle in general doesn't usually comment on it. Lise knows she receives therapy, has known about that from almost the very beginning. She knows that Danielle was diagnosed with depression and an anxiety disorder. Knows that she is taking medication for it, and has the name and dosage in her wallet, in case there ever is an emergency. Lise knows that a few months ago, Danielle lowered the dosage, to see if it would be enough. A little over two weeks ago, she upped it again, when her symptoms worsened.

"Thank you," Danielle murmurs. "For coming," she adds, at Lise's confused look. "I know it was a lot. But thanks, for coming, and listening... I don't know if I could have told you this without her help."

"You know I'm not judging you, right?" Lise asks, searching Danielle's face. She's said that during the session, as well, but she really wants Danielle to understand this.

"Yes," Danielle nods. "Thank you. I, needed to hear that," she says. "This isn't something I like to talk about. Because it brings up bad memories, but at the same time, it's also... I know how screwed up it was, it is. I understand why I did it, but that doesn't make it a good thing. And it's really strange, and difficult, to process it and deal with it now. Logically, I know it won't help me, I know it's a bad thing and will only cause more trouble. Emotionally, that's a different story."

"I know we were kind of, skirting around this, earlier. But can you tell me, when the last time was that you did, this?" Lise asks her, watching Danielle. The blonde swallows thickly and looks away, her jaw working.

"It, depends, on your definition," Danielle says. "Last time I cut myself was over a year ago. I've had moments when I came close, but what happened a few days ago, that was by far the worst," she tells Lise. "I've bitten my nails on and off. I go through times when it's not something I even think about, and then I will catch myself watching a movie or reading and just biting away. I don't do it to hurt myself, though it can technically be considered self-injurious behavior," she adds with a shrug.

Lise lets out a soft humm of acknowledgement. She noticed the nail thing, before. That Danielle sometimes bites her thumb when she's thinking, or watching a movie. And how her nails sometimes got really short within a day.

She tilts her head and watches Danielle for a moment.

"How are you?" she asks her, searching her face.

"On edge," the blonde admits. "I'm worried, about what it means, that you know this now," she tells Lise. "I've never outright talked to someone about this, someone who wasn't a therapist, that is," she adds. "A previous partner knew, she saw the marks, but we never spoke about what they meant. Then again, she struggled with the same thing, so there was another layer to all this, bullshit," she sighs. Reaches up to run a hand through her hair.

"It doesn't change my feelings for you," Lise assures her. "I still love you. I care about you so much."

"But it does change some things, doesn't it?" Danielle sighs and gives a slight shake of her head. "I don't want you to, treat me differently. This has always been there. And I can deal with it just fine, most of the time. But sometimes my defenses are really low, either because I'm dealing with other stuff at the moment, or because I don't expect anything like this to crop up. And if it pops up in those moments it gets, difficult."

"Have you ever thought, of hurting yourself, after we had a fight?" Lise asks her. They only had a few, none of which were that serious.

"Yes," Danielle admits. "But that's on me. Nothing you said or did... How do I explain this?" she frowns, searching for the right words. "It isn't you. When I have a bad day, I have thoughts like this because of work related arguments, as well. It's my self-worth issues rearing their ugly head. The way we argue and fight, it's, healthy. You don't make me feel bad. I do that, to myself, after. I berate myself and kick myself over and over again, and that's a bad circle I still find hard to break, sometimes," she explains.

Lise finds herself worrying at her lip as she listens to Danielle's confession.

"I don't want you to worry that you can't be honest with me. You can," Danielle tells her. "You knew about my depression. This is the same thing. If we fight, you don't worry I will kill myself after. You don't have to worry about me hurting myself in the same way."

"It feels different," Lise shakes her head. Rubs her hands over her face. She tried to explain this earlier, as well. They went over this, with Danielle's therapist. That this is a concern Lise has. That she will say something, during an argument, or even in an offhand remark, that will hurt Danielle, and drive her to do something painful to herself.

"It's not," her girlfriend shakes her head. "Trust me. You have every right to have your emotions towards me, even when they're negative," she tells her. "And you have every right to express them, as well. I don't want you to keep stuff bottled up because you're worried about me. I have a therapist, I know who I can call if I cannot deal with this on my own."

Lise lets out a soft sigh and worries at her bottom lip.

"I, understand. If you need some time, some space, to process all this," Danielle says after a few moments. Lise finds herself closing her eyes, clenching them shut.

It's what she probably needs, but the one thing she absolutely doesn't want. Not out of concern for Danielle. She thinks that the blonde would be able to handle that. No, Lise has the feeling that she would go crazy, without Danielle. Without being with her.

It's strange. How attached she's become. How important a part of her life Danielle is. Lise falls asleep thinking of her, wakes up to thoughts of her. She doesn't go a single day where she doesn't at least hear her voice on the phone. Most of the time, they fall asleep in the same bed, spooning.

"I love you," Lise finally says. "I love you so much that the thought of this, it takes my breath away. How much pain you must have been in, to resort to something like this-"

"I'm much better now," Danielle shakes her head with a soft smile. "It's fine, Lise. Honestly. These are, echoes. Remains of a maladaptive coping mechanism. It takes time to unlearn that, long after it's already sunken in that it's not a healthy thing to do, or a helpful one."

"Can you promise me that you won't do this again?" Lise pleads, searching her eyes. Finds that Danielle frowns and looks away, before she slowly shakes her head.

"I can't," she admits. "But I can promise you that I will try my best to never do it again. I already am. I've told you, I don't want to hurt myself, Lise. I want to love myself, and that's part of it. Not causing myself pain."

Lise reaches out and cradles her face, stroking her thumbs over Danielle's cheeks.

"I love you. Please don't hurt the person I love, Dani."

"I won't," the blonde murmurs and moves, leaning into touch her forehead to Lise's. "I love you, too."

* * *

"Are you okay?"

Danielle's voice is soft. Lise swallows thickly and inclines her head. Rubs her hands together, as she slowly stands.

"No," she admits. Walks over to the sideboard and pours herself a glass of whiskey, before she downs half of it in one go.

"What happened?" she asks her gently.

"I can't tell you," Lise shakes her head. Turns around to find Danielle watching her, a concerned expression on her face. "It's not that I don't trust you to keep it to yourself. But there are rules. I can't speak about this before I have faced the board, and even then..." she trails off.

"You shot someone, didn't you?" Danielle breathes, her eyes widening in realization.

"I didn't know-" Lise starts and bites her bottom lip, pain shooting through her.

She'll be cleared. She acted in self-defense. There's surveillance footage to prove that he had a gun, there's forensic evidence that he'd recently fired it. There's her statement, and that of Cardinal, that she fired a warning shot, following and preceding verbal commands to drop the weapon. She'd run over immediately after firing and done first aid and CPR. She's done everything by the book, as much as she could possibly have.

If she'd seen any other way, she would have taken it. Honestly, this is basically suicide-by-cop, but Lise cannot help but feel horrible. Cannot stop feeling like she failed, cannot help but feel responsible for taking a life.

"What happened?" Danielle asks again, something in her eyes that makes her skin crawl.

"I didn't mean to kill him," she breathes. "I tried, I, I only wanted to drop him, but he moved, and- Oh God," she mutters, sinking to the floor as she hides her hands in her face.

She's shot people before. She killed Edie Soames, for crying out loud. But that hadn't made her feel nearly as horrid as this.

She feels Danielle's arms wrap around her, feels her hand on the back of her neck. Lise reaches out blindly and clutches at her as she cries, trying to curl in on herself and hide against her girlfriend.

"Sh, it's okay," Danielle murmurs gently as she holds her. "I'm here, it's okay. Sh..."

She can't get herself to calm down. Everything hurts, everything inside her screams out and Lise just keeps on crying and crying, until she's so exhausted she falls asleep in Danielle's arms.

* * *

"Yes," Danielle breathes, her back arching off the bed. "Yes, oh please, don't stop," she murmurs, her eyes screwed shut tightly. Lise lets out a soft hum and nudges her nose against Danielle's. Lets out a squeak of surprise when she feels her pull her into a rough kiss, panting against Lise's lips.

The sound of her phone ringing makes her jump and draws a pained hiss from her girlfriend.

"Sorry," she apologizes and looks over to the nightstand.

"Ignore it," Danielle pleads, sounding desperate. Lise draws a deep breath and kisses her again, but then sits up sharply and reaches for her phone. Mouthes an apology as she answers.

"Delorme?"

Her girlfriend closes her eyes and throws an arm over them, her chest heaving as she tries to catch her breath.

"No, I'm in town," she says with a soft sigh. "Uh, I should be able to make it in," she murmurs and casts a glance at Danielle, "half an hour. Forty-five minutes tops," she tells Szelagy. "I was working out, I need a shower," she frowns when he comments on that time frame. "See you then, bye," she signs off and tosses her phone back onto the nightstand.

"I hate your job," Danielle murmurs and Lise lets out a soft sigh.

"Not as much as me," she replies with a soft shake of her head. Reaches out and gently traces Danielle's collarbone. "Are you extremely mad at me?" she asks her softly.

The blonde removes her arm from her face and looks at Lise, her features softening.

"No," she shakes her head and leans in for a soft kiss. "I'm just horny."

"We can finish," Lise tells her, though Danielle pulls a face.

"The thought of this getting interrupted by a dead body has sufficiently killed the mood for me," she declares. Sits up and casts a morose look at her genitals. "Down girl," she mutters, drawing a laugh from Lise, who leans over to press a gentle kiss to her shoulder.

"I promise we'll finish this when I get back," she tells her.

"Don't say that," Danielle replies and turns to catch her lips again. "You may have to go to Toronto for this."

"I have court in a week, they won't assign me to this," she shakes her head. "Wanna bet?"

Danielle leans back, searching her face, a doubtful expression crossing her own.

"I am not sure I trust you," she frowns. "What would be the stakes?"

"Winner gets to pick a restaurant for our next date night?" Lise suggests and finds Danielle's expression softening.

"Sounds good," she nods and reaches out to stroke her cheek. "Go on, take your shower," she adds after briefly resting her forehead against hers.

"You're welcome to join me," she invites her, and finds the blonde letting out a strained laugh.

"If I did, you'd never make it to your scene on time," she shakes her head. "Call me, when you're done, alright? No matter how late it is."

"I will," Lise promises and forces herself out of bed. "You're welcome to stay," she tosses over her shoulder as she grabs fresh underwear from her dresser. "If you need to leave, there's a spare key in the bedside drawer."

She makes it to the scene with five minutes to spare. She knows she's in a pretty foul mood, and it's not Szelagy's fault, but he's the only one around she can let it out on, sort of. He was the one who called her, after all, and interrupted a very pleasurable experience.

She doesn't think that Danielle will stay at her place. She's not entirely comfortable with being in Lise's house on her own for more than half an hour or so. She gets it. Kind of. She feels a little, out of place, at Danielle's place, herself. But she's been thinking, if maybe she should get Danielle her own set of keys to the house. So she can let herself in and doesn't have to return the spare to Lise when she's used it to lock up behind herself.

* * *

She loves Danielle's hugs. The way she will wrap her arms around Lise from behind and press up against her, her arms wrapped around Lise's middle as Danielle hides her face against Lise's neck.

Lise lets out a soft sigh and rests her hands on Danielle's arms. Turns her head a little, a smile flickering across her face.

"I love you," Danielle murmurs and kisses Lise's jaw. "Hm, you smell really nice. What's this?"

"Puma something or other. The green one, I don't remember the name," Lise replies, her voice low. "I think it's supposed to be like a deodorant, but I used it as perfume."

"I like it," Danielle nods and nudges her nose against Lise's neck, drawing an exaggerated breath that makes Lise let out a soft laugh.

"What's gotten into you?" she asks the blonde and turns around to face her. Wraps her arms around Danielle's neck and plays with the shorter hair at the back of her neck.

"No idea," the blonde shakes her head. "Just wanted to be close to you."

"Uh-huh," Lise nods. Leans in to rubs her nose against Danielle's before brushing her lips over hers in a soft caress. Danielle lets out a sound of contentment and kisses back gently. Lise can feel her smile against her lips. It's adorable.

"I love you," Danielle sighs and Lise lets out a soft laugh. Cradles her face and strokes her thumbs over Danielle's cheeks.

"I love you, too," she replies.

"Do you have anything planned, for tonight?" Danielle inquires, and Lise slowly shakes her head no.

"Good," the blonde declares. "Can we go cuddle? I want to be close to you, right now. Like, really, really close."

"Like, making love close?" Lise asks and waggles her eyebrows. Watches, as Danielle blushes furiously.

"Not necessarily," she replies. "But I'm not going to say no to an opportunity."

It makes Lise laugh and pull her in for a soft kiss, drawing a sigh from Danielle.

"Oh, you're going to be the death of me, aren't you?" she murmurs and feels her girlfriend grin against her lips before she kisses her again.

* * *

"Wow," Lise breathes, flushing at the sight of Danielle in lingerie.

"You like it?" the blonde asks, leaning against the doorjamb of Lise's bedroom.

"Like it?" Lise squeaks and clears her throat. Scoots to the edge of the bed, suddenly uncomfortably aware of the thin top and shorts she's changed into to sleep.

She has to admit, her girlfriend's outfit looks to be rather expensive. Dark gray lace bra and panties, with a matching garter belt and stockings.

"You look, amazing," she murmurs and reaches out a hand. Danielle ducks her head, a shy smile settling on her face. She takes a few steps, before taking Lise's hand and allowing her to pull her over.

"Thank you," Danielle whispers and leans down to capture her lips.

"Don't get me wrong," Lise mutters against her lips, leaning back a little as Danielle straddles her, "I very much appreciate this. But, why?" she asks her, searching the blonde's face.

"No reason," the other woman gives a slight shrug. Reaches up to cradle Lise's face, her thumbs stroking over her cheeks. "I felt like it."

"Hm," Lise lets out an appreciative murmurs and kisses her again, her hands settling on Danielle's hips as she holds her close.

"Wait," she breathes when she feels Danielle lift the hem of her top. It makes the blonde freeze and she leans back, searching Lise's face intently.

"I'm sorry," she apologizes. "Did I-"

"No," Lise shakes her head. "No, it's not... I want to," she tells her. Draws a deep breath. She does, she wants to make love so badly, right now. Danielle, she looks absolutely stunning, and Lise can't wait to undress her and run her hands all over her body, can't wait to press up against her and move with her.

"But?" Danielle replies, her brows furrowing in confusion. Lise swallows thickly and searches Danielle's face.

"I, might start my period," she tells her. Watches, as Danielle's eyes widen in surprise.

"Oh," she breathes, her teeth worrying at her bottom lip.

"There wasn't anything earlier," Lise sighs. "But it's supposed to start tomorrow, so there is a chance..." she trails off, searching her girlfriend's face.

Danielle draws a deep breath, her brows furrowing.

"I can't," she admits with a shake of her head, tears pooling in her eyes. "I wish I could, but I just, I can't, do this."

"It's fine," Lise shakes her head and reaches up to stroke her cheeks. "Hey, look at me," she asks when Danielle ducks her head, avoiding her eyes. "It's okay, Danielle."

"Fuck this shit," the blonde murmurs, drawing a shocked laugh from Lise.

"Not that I don't agree with the overall sentiment," she starts, "but do you want to tell me, what's going on, right now?" she asks her, searching Danielle's face.

They've never made love while Lise was on her period. She'd told Danielle early on that it wasn't something she was in the mood for, and the blonde had seemed very relieved about that. She'd explained that it was triggering, for her, to be confronted with someone on their period in explicit ways. Lise has taken to telling her when she's menstruating. Puts a neon pink post-it on the bathroom trash can, in case Danielle forgets in the middle of the night and uses it unprepared for what might be inside it. At Danielle's place, Lise uses little black trash bags to dispose of her things, so her girlfriend won't have to see any of it.

Danielle tilts her head, frowning at Lise's chest. Settles her hands on her shoulders and draws a slow breath.

"I hate that this is, getting between us," she sighs.

"Me, too," Lise nods. And then freezes, her eyes widening when she realizes how Danielle might take her words. "I didn't mean your reaction," she quickly tells her. "That's not what's bothering me."

"Really?" Danielle asks, arching an eyebrow at her. Lise shakes her head and reaches up to cup her cheeks.

"Really," Lise confirms. "I dislike how it makes me feel," she tells her and brushes her lips over Danielle's in a soft caress. "And I really hate that I have a gorgeous, half-naked woman in my lap right now, and we both know that even though we want to, this won't go anywhere. I'm sorry your idea got ruined."

"It's fine," her girlfriend shakes her head. "I appreciate your warning. And we can do this again. No time limit or expiration date on sexy lingerie," she winks at her, drawing a soft chuckle from Lise.

* * *

"I know we haven't talked about this, before," Danielle starts, tilting her head slightly as Lise grabs a handful of popcorn from the bowl in her girlfriend's lap.

"Talked about what?" she asks, before popping one into her mouth.

"Moving in, with each other," the blonde says and swallows. "My lease it coming up. They're raising the rent, and I have to find a new place, if I continue to have my own apartment."

Lise finds herself chewing thoughtfully before she picks up her beer and takes a sip.

"You want to, move into a place? Together?" she asks carefully.

"Maybe?" Danielle frowns and sets the bowl of popcorn down on the couch table, before she angles her body so she can face Lise as they talk. "It could be, too soon," she admits. "But at the same time, I think getting a new place for another year, that would be... Pretty long," she points out. "We barely spend a night without each other, anyway, as it is."

"For the record," Lise frowns, scratching at the label on the bottle before she sets it down. "I don't want you to move into the house."

Danielle's eyes widen and her mouth opens slightly, before she can reign her reaction in. Lise quickly shakes her head and reaches up to run a hand through her hair.

"It's not that I don't want to be with you. Don't want to live with you, at some point. But, Josh and I bought that house, for our future. I don't want you to fit into the mold of someone else. I would want a place that's ours, not Josh's," she tries to explain. "Am I making sense?" she asks, searching Danielle's face.

"I guess," the blonde replies with a slight tilt of her head. "Though I find selling a house to get another kind of... weird?" she frowns, causing Lise to let out a soft laugh.

"That has occured to me, yes," she agrees. "And to be honest, I think I would still keep it, just rent it out," she tells her. "Have some extra income that way."

"How did you end up with the place, anyway?" Danielle asks her. "I mean, if you didn't intend to keep living there..."

"He didn't want it," Lise shrugs. "I think he found the memories too, painful. I didn't, not particularly. And we have established that I somewhat in favor of self-flagellation," she adds drily.

"There is that," Danielle nods, stealing a piece of popcorn for herself. She chews on it for a moment before swallowing, watching Lise. "So, uh... am I getting a new place?"

"That depends," Lise allows. "On a couple of things, I guess," she adds, frowning slightly. "One, how quickly do you have to make a decision?"

"I have a week, to tell them if I want to renew it or not. It's up in, six weeks," Danielle tells her.

"That is pretty fast," Lise muses. Takes a deep breath and tries to examine her feelings.

Danielle is right. They barely go a night without being together. And more often than not, it's because of Lise's work. Her getting home too late, or being called out shortly before or after they go to bed.

But there have been days when either one of them needed space. When they wanted to be by themselves, needed some 'me time'.

"I know," Danielle nods.

Lise allows a sigh to escape her and crosses her arms.

"I don't want to hurt you..." she starts and hears Danielle let out a breath.

"But you think it's too soon," she finishes for her. Lise frowns and rubs a hand over her face.

"Too fast, may be the better word," she says. "I mean, I think I do want to, share a place, with you. Live with you. But, six weeks is... I need some time, to let that sink in. And we have to find a place we're both happy with. I don't really want to move into an apartment and then get a house a year down the line, or something. And then we'd also have to organize a move..."

"It's okay," Danielle tells her. Forces a smile. "I'll find someplace with a shorter lease. And we can, take it slowly, look around for something we both like in the future, if that is what you want."

"I'm sorry," Lise finds herself apologizing. "I love you. I want to share my life with you. I want to be with you. But it's, too much, in too short a time frame."

Danielle inclines her head, her brows furrowing.

"This is going to sound weird," Lise frowns, "but, it feels good, to be able to tell you this."

"Excuse me?" her girlfriend asks, an edge creeping into her voice.

"Admitting, that I'm not ready for this yet." Lise specifies. "I will be, eventually. It's just too much, right now. And being able to be honest about that, with you, it means a lot."

"Ah," Danielle murmurs, catching on. "I'm glad you told me," she tells her. "I wouldn't want you to go along with something that made you uncomfortable or stressed you out, because you wanted to make me happy."

"I love you," Lise murmurs and leans over to brush her lips over Danielle's cheek. "And if you need any help, at all, let me know."

"I will," the blonde nods.

* * *

"It doesn't hurt?" Lise asks, watching as Danielle wipes over the injection site before throwing out the syringe she just used.

"Huh?" the blonde asks, her brows dipping. "Sorry, what was it you said?"

"I just wondered," she shakes her head slightly, "if it doesn't hurt."

"Not really," Danielle shrugs, frowning at the side of her ass. "Though this gets annoying," she adds and grabs a small band-aid, putting it over the little bead of blood that has formed.

"I can only imagine," Lise murmurs and pats the couch, inviting her to sit. Danielle drops her skirt and walks over to her, capturing Lise's lips in a soft kiss before she sits down.

"Something on your mind?" she asks, searching her face. Lise finds herself shrugging.

"It wasn't as bad as I thought," she admits. She's pretty squeamish, around needles and that sort of stuff. When Danielle first told her she did injections, Lise thought she was joking. Given the choice, she would much rather prefer to take a pill, than poke herself all the time.

"Good," her girlfriend nods. "You do look a bit pale, around your nose," she adds, a teasing lilt to her voice.

"Hey, my girlfriend just rammed a needle into her butt," Lise reminds her, causing Danielle to let out a chuckle.

"I wouldn't use that word," she retorts. At Lise's questioning look, Danielle arches an eyebrow at her. "Nothing gets 'rammed' into my butt, needle or other object."

Lise feels her face heat as she blushes furiously at the unintended innuendo.

"I couldn't do this," she shakes her head, trying to go back to their original topic, and maybe save her face a little. "I have no idea how you do it. How people with diabetes do."

"I guess you figure out a way to do it," Danielle shrugs, brushing her hair behind her ear. "It never really bothered me. I took pills, for a while, but my stomach wasn't happy about it. So it was either learn how to do to save injections, or suffer in another way, and I figured I could at least give them a try. I actually like this more. It means I can adjust my dosage easily, if I need to. And, as weird as it sounds, I can be sure of how much I put into my body. Maybe I'm just weird," she adds, frowning a little.

"You ever have any trouble?" Lise asks her. Danielle takes a moment to think, before she shakes her head no.

"I've always been pretty careful, about how I do it. I've had friends that accidentally hit a nerve, though. That was, unpleasant, to say the least. I'm glad I never had that. I had a few minor infections, injection sites getting irritated. But nothing serious," she answers. Tilts her head as her brows dip. "It bothers me, sometimes, that I will have to do this, for the rest of my life, probably," she admits. "Unless they come up with something new, this is my reality. And that can be, difficult, to accept. Can feel, unfair."

Lise nods slowly.

"I'm sorry," she murmurs, taking Danielle's hand. Her girlfriend gives a soft smiles and squeezes Lise's hand.

"Hey," Danielle suddenly perks up. "You promised me I could do your nails."

"Oh dear God," Lise breathes. Honestly, she'd almost hoped that her girlfriend had forgotten about that. It's the 'punishment' for a forgotten date. Not so much as forgotten, as Lise had slept through her alarm. She'd come home absolutely exhausted and figured she'd take a quick nap. Her body, apparently, had had other plans.

Danielle hadn't been that angry. Just worried, that she was hurt and not answering her phone because she was at the hospital.

"You promised," the blonde pouts and Lise lets out a soft chuckle.

"Okay, fine," she sighs and watches as Danielle gets up and goes to grab her box of nail polish.

"No clear," Danielle immediately tells her when she hands Lise the box. Drat, she thinks. That has been her first idea, to look for a clear polish. All Danielle had said that she wanted to paint her nails. She never specified which color they'd have to be.

"No neon," Lise counters and pulls out the more, eye-catching colors, setting them to the side.

"Spoilsport," Danielle sighs. Lise shakes her head at her and goes over the colors slowly, trying to find one that she can get away with at work. Will still be taken seriously.

"Need some help?" Danielle asks, laughing softly. It makes Lise look up at her and arch an eyebrow before she hands her the box. Danielle purses her lips and slowly goes through the colors, pulling out four bottles. One is a glitter blue that makes Lise shake her head immediately at it. There's a deep burgundy, a sky blue, soft pink, and pastel purple.

"This one," she decides, tapping the purple. It makes Danielle's eyes light up and she puts the other bottles back in the box before setting it aside.

Danielle takes her hand and slowly starts to paint her nails, brows creasing in concentration. Lise watches her. Takes in the nicely blended eyeshadow, soft lipstick, and eyeliner.

"Can I ask you something?" she murmurs, not wanting to startle Danielle.

"Sure," the other woman nods, looking up at her.

"The, makeup, and dresses, and nail polish..." Lise begins, wondering how she should phrase her question, without it getting, insulting. She likes the way Danielle dresses. Expresses herself. She's a stunning woman, there is no doubt about that. That she likes to wear dresses and skirts accentuates her femininity, but she's also extremely cute in summer shorts and oversized shirt when they're lounging around the house. But Lise has noticed the effort her girlfriend puts into her appearance, and sometimes, she wonders, if that is because she honestly wants to, or because she feels like she has to.

"It's not over-compensation," Danielle tells her with a soft smile, going back to Lise's nails. "I've always loved all of these things. I kind of, went crazy, for a bit, when I first started transitioning. My wardrobe looked like a fourteen year old had barfed their fantasies all over it. It was a bit, embarrassing, to be honest," she laughs. "But I had some friends, who helped me out. I watched a lot of makeup tutorials. Played around a lot, in my free time. Dresses, I've come to find, they make me happy," she shrugs. "I like wearing them. I like the way they sit on my body now," she adds.

"They do look fantastic," Lise compliments her. "I wasn't trying to be, mean. It's just something I wondered," she shrugs. "I was watching a talk online, and someone commented that trans women's femininity is more policed than that of cis women, and I agreed with that, and I guess, it made me wonder," she frowns.

"I get what they were saying," Danielle nods, motioning for Lise to give her her other hand. "They are right, in a way. I mean, cis butches get a lot of flack as it is. I don't even want to imagine the abuse trans butches have to face," she shakes her head.

"Society is shit," Lise mutters, drawing a laugh from her girlfriend.

"Oh yes," the blonde agrees. "Seriously, though, I'm not doing this because I think I have to. I like dressing up. I love putting on makeup. Maybe because there were so many years when I couldn't, maybe that does have a big influence on how I express myself now. But when it comes down to it, ultimately, these things, they make me feel, pretty. And I don't care what some "feminists" think about that. I've always been of the opinion that feminism should be about the freedom to chose. You want to wear overalls and cut your hair short, you should be able to, without someone attacking you for it. You want to wear a glittery dress and put on makeup, you should be able to, as well. Neither way of self-expression invalidates your identity as a woman."

"Has it ever been, difficult, for you? To accept your sexuality?" Lise asks.

"It was, kind of weird?" Danielle says, frowning at her work. "Give it a moment to dry, before I put on the second coat," she tells Lise.

"Weird how?" she inquires carefully.

"Weird like... I mean, I'm sure you get that, too, sometimes. This weird mix of, do I want to look like her, or am I attracted to her?" she tries. Lise finds herself nodding, herself familiar with the strange sensation. Growing up in a heteronormative society, with a family and community that never openly spoke about same-sex attraction, she'd felt like liking girls hadn't been an option. Realizing, upon looking back, how many times her intense feelings had not been born out of a quiet envy of another girl or woman, but were the result of repressing her sexual attraction, it had been shocking.

"I guess that was, amplified, for me. I've always been attracted to women, my entire life. When I was living as a boy, it was 'normal'. As I grew older and I realized that I am a woman, myself, it got, difficult. I sometimes found it hard to differentiate, between 'I want to look like that' and 'I am attracted to that'. I thought I had to like men now, since I am a woman. It took me a while to get my head around the fact that, no, my gender identity didn't magically change my attraction. There was a period where I felt like I was, wrong, somehow. Once I found other trans lesbians, it got a lot easier to accept that part," Danielle explains, her brows dipping.

"Though I did have moments when I was like, one wasn't enough? I couldn't have been just gay, or just trans, no, I had to be both? Like God was purposefully screwing with me, that sort of thing," she shrugs.

"I'm sorry you felt that way," Lise tells her, her heart going out to her girlfriend.

"It's alright," Danielle shakes her head. "I got over that. Once I was really away from my family, it got a lot easier. Actually, it helped. Thinking that this is the way God made me, that He intended for me to be like this."

"Because God makes no mistakes," Lise nods, smiling at her. They've talked about this, in the past. Danielle's feelings, about religion, Christianity, Catholicism. Lise found that she shared the same views as her: that, if God exists, and they were all truly made in His image, then He wants them to be exactly the way they are. He knew, when He made them, that they are lesbian, are transgender, are bisexual. And He loves them just that way.

"Exactly," her girlfriend nods, worrying at her lip. "You ever, look up my name?" she asks Lise, and she slowly shakes her head no.

"No, I never thought of doing that. Why, what does it mean?" she asks, sensing a story.

"Okay, so, I didn't pick it, for the meaning. I actually didn't know about that, until later," Danielle says, picking up the nail polish again. "My birth name doesn't have a feminine form, and to be honest, that name never felt like, mine," she explains. Lise nods, tilting her head as she watches Danielle work. She's never told her her birth name. Not outright, at least. Danielle made a comment, a few months ago, where Lise thinks her birth name slipped out. She'd been talking to someone else at a community meeting, making the distinction between when she'd been a child, and who she is now. She's used a name, saying that the person had been unhappy, and Lise caught it because it had seemed like a weird shift in topic. It was only later that she realized what her girlfriend had actually said, and by then, she'd already forgotten the name. She's never asked Danielle about it, either. She knows her name, it's Danielle Sargeant.

"I wanted something new, something different," the blonde continues, furrowing her brows in concentration. "So, I went through some names, in my head, celebrities, characters from movies, that sort of thing, and I tried like, two names. You know, just, kid stuff. I spent a lot of time, in front of the mirror, saying those names, introducing myself as them, and it just, it didn't fit, and I kind of gave up. Anyways, a few days later, I was downtown, looking for a book for school, and I saw this baby name book, and I thought, hey, why don't I have a look at that? I just, opened it to the back, intending to go down the list, but like, my eyes zeroed in on that name. And it, it felt like, coming home," she says, drawing a shaky breath. Lise blinks in surprise at the tears in Danielle's eyes.

"Hey," she mutters and reaches out to stroke her cheek.

"I'm fine," Danielle tells her, smiling. "It just... I can't describe, how that felt. I saw that name, and I just thought, 'That's me. This is who I am, this is who I was supposed to be', you know?" she shrugs, sniffling softly. "I forgot to get my book, I was so, floored, by that. It felt like, I'd found myself. It only occured to me to look it up after like, two weeks or so," she explains.

"What does it mean?" Lise asks her, tilting her head.

"God is my judge," Danielle grins. Lise's jaw drops in surprise and she stares at the blonde for a moment.

"No way."

"Oh yes," Danielle giggles. "I had no idea, I swear. But I took it as a sign," she says, finishing her work on Lise's nails and capping the bottle again. "That it's basically a middle finger to my family, that's an added bonus."

"Come here," Lise murmurs, leaning over to brush her lips over Danielle's in a soft kiss. "I like your name," she tells her. "It fits you."

"Thank you," the blonde smiles at her. Reaches up and strokes Lise's cheek softly. "What did I ever do, to deserve you?" she whispers, making Lise swallow hard. She reaches up and wraps her fingers around Danielle's wrist, holding on tightly.

"I'm wondering the same thing," she breathes and leans in to rest her forehead against Danielle's. "Whatever it was we did right, I am so very, very glad we've found each other."

"Me, too," Danielle grins and pulls her into a loving kiss.

* * *

_epilogue_

 

There's a bouquet of flowers on their kitchen table. Red roses and baby's breath. Lise sets down her bag and leans in to take a deep breath, inhaling the scent. She loves how Danielle will randomly pick up flowers on her way home, simply because she feels like it, or because she sees a bouquet and thinks it looks cute.

"You're back."

Turning around, she finds Danielle in the doorway, a huge smile on her face. Lise knew she was home, her car is parked in the driveway of their house. Still, it is so nice to see her. The past three days that Lise was in Toronto, she missed her terribly.

The blonde walks over and pulls Lise into a kiss that makes her see stars.

"Wow," she murmurs, blinking slowly when they part. "I missed you, too," she tells her and reaches out to settle her hands on Danielle's hips.

"How was your flight?" she asks as she reaches up, resting her arms on Lise's shoulders so she can toy with the hair at the nape of her neck.

"Uneventful," she shrugs. "I am very glad I didn't have to drive, though," she adds, grimacing at the thought.

"Hm, me, too," Danielle nods. "I wouldn't have had you back until what, like midnight?"

"Ah, so you're just saying this for selfish reasons," Lise nods. "You don't care about me, at all," she pouts, drawing a laugh from her girlfriend.

"I admit, I found sleeping alone in our bed very difficult, these past two nights," she says and cradles Lise's cheek. "I missed you, so much," she breathes, leaning in for another kiss. Lise feels Danielle melt against her. Pulls her close and takes a staggering step back, her butt hitting the kitchen table. She finds herself on it a moment later, Danielle divesting her of her blouse.

"Hey," she breathes and catches her lips in a soft kiss, allowing her teeth to nibble carefully on Danielle's lower lip. It makes the blonde let out a soft whimper as she presses up against Lise.

She kind of wanted to do this in the bedroom. But that sound Danielle makes, it completely does Lise in. She's kissing her, trying to get Danielle out of her blouse without ripping off the buttons.

"Wait," the blonde breathes against her lips when Lise reaches for the zipper of her pants. It makes her freeze instantly, cuts through the fog of desire clouding her brain.

"What is it?" she asks, searching Danielle's face, worry churning in her gut.

"I'm fine," her girlfriend quickly shakes her head. "Just, I, I kind of want... more than your hands," she stammers, drawing her bottom lip between her teeth. Lise frowns briefly, before she catches on, her eyes widening in surprise.

She reaches up and cradles Danielle's face, gently stroking the pads of her thumbs over her cheeks.

"Je t'aime," Lise murmurs and nudges her nose against her girlfriend's. "Are you sure?" she asks, watching her as Danielle swallows.

"Yes," she breathes and brushes her lips over Lise's. "I missed you, so much. I want to be as close as possible to you. I want to feel you around me. Please, Lise."

"Sh, hey, it's okay," she shushes her softly. Gives a slight shake of her head and kisses Danielle gently. Takes her time, goes slow, draws it out, before she leans back.

"In that case," Lise says and moves. Slides of the table and takes Danielle's hands, pulling her with her as she steps away from the table. "I think we will be much better off, in our bed, yes?"

Danielle's face splits into an eager smile and she pulls her hands free to be able to wrap her arms around Lise. Kisses her hungrily, as they make their way, stumbling, to their bedroom.

It feels so good to be home.

_fin._

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!
> 
> fyi: 'lise hates period drama' does, in fact, not exceed the character limit on netflix profile names
> 
> in the interest of full disclosure: I'm afab and go by she/her or they/them pronouns. I'm an atheist wlw diagnosed with depression and panic disorder who has firsthand experience with therapy, medication and self-harm issues.
> 
> Please do not shorten Danielle's name to 'Danny'. There's a reason Lise rarely uses a short form of it, and when she does, it's Dani. Basically, it makes her feel dysphoric. (there was a scene where it came up, but it didn't make it into the final draft)


End file.
